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my $one = !$|;
my $one = cos; # Given that $_ == 0.
my $one = $>/$>; # Effective user ID.
my $one = $(/$(; # (Space-separated list of) group ID(s).
my $one = $)/$); # (Space-separated list of) effective group ID(s
my $two = length $:;
my $two = $^F; # Note: system-dependent.
Non-existent; I don't have TV
Non-existent; my TV doesn't have/need a remote
Under my control; I watch alone
Under the control of whoever shouts loudest
Under the control of whoever gets it first
One of many, and the TV has a mind of its own
Results (593 votes),