Didn't read your rant, anyway, Teach Yourself Programming in Ten Years, What is the best way to master perl, Whats the average time taken to learn Perl?,
in reply to Out gunned - and crashing
Common Perl Pitfalls / perltrap
Tutorials: Basic debugging checklist , brian's Guide to Solving Any Perl Problem
perlintro, http://learn.perl.org/books/beginning-perl/, http://perl-tutorial.org/, Tutorials: Basic debugging checklist , brian's Guide to Solving Any Perl Problem, Modern Perl book, a loose description of how experienced and effective Perl 5 programmers work....You can learn this too.
The Perl Monks Guide to the Monastery