As ever with my poetry/obfu it's not clear if it's obfu as it's
just unpleasant to read, and it's not really poetry either.. ho hum
What the hell, it's Christmas:

#!/usr/bin/perl

($_,@_)=<DATA>;s/s//;s/^/On /;$~=$_;for$i(0..11){if($i<3){$_=(qw/ firs
+t second
third/)[$i]}else{$_=$_[$i];s/\s.*?$//g;s/ve$/f/;s/$/th/}$l=$~;$l=~s/tw
+elve/$_/
;print"\n$l";$i==1 and $_[0]=~s/^/and /;for($j=$i;$j>=0;){print"$_[$j-
+-]"}}$/=
0;print"\nTotal:\n",map{($i,$_)=($_+1,$_[$_]);do{s/a //g;s/e(\W)/es$1/
+g}if/^a/
;s/^\w+/($#_-$i)*$i/e;/\d+/;$/+=$&;$_}0..11;print'-'x30,"\n$/ non-geek
+ gifts\n"

__END__
the twelve days of christmas, my true love gave to me
a Partridge in a pear tree
two Turtle Doves
three French Hens
four Calling Birds
five Golden Rings
six Geese A-laying
seven Swans A-swimming
eight Maids A-milking
nine Ladies Dancing
ten Lords A-leaping
eleven Pipers Piping
twelve Drummers Drumming
[download]

Updated: removed uh ... features.

1. Thanks to Erudil for spotting them.
2. Note to self test download in scratchbox first

--

Brother Frankus.

¤