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Perl Poetry

by gods
on Dec 30, 1999 at 20:29 UTC ( #1590=superdoc: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??
"Poetry" is in the eye of the beholder; it could be any of:
  • Poetry written in Perl
  • Using perl to generate poetry
  • Poetry about Perl/PerlMonks
New Poems
Posthumous Apologies to Edgar Allen Poe
1 direct reply — Read more / Contribute
by perldigious
on Jul 30, 2016 at 19:12

    This reads best alongside an actual copy of "The Raven" since I tried pretty hard to match that as closely as possible whenever possible.

    https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/48860

    The XP Whore

    Once I posed a desperate query, to my friends, at the monastery,
    Over many a terse and confusing page of perldoc bore—
         While I scolded, nearly snapping, my sanity at least slightly cracking,
    Perhaps I messed up the mapping, is the mapping to my @array poor?
    “Tis surely this,” I sputtered, “the mapping to my @array is poor—
              Thankfully answered by an XP Whore.”
    
         Ah, so fondly I remember when I became a PerlMonks member;
    And in my innocence never posted purely to be an XP Whore.
         Happily your code I’d borrow;—and back again I’d be tomorrow
         Though some examples left me harrowed—harrowed and synapses sore—
    For my ignorance was abundant and my knowledge of the language poor—
              But now I’m just an XP Whore.
    
         And the sunken, sad, depressed feeling from this realization
    Killed me—instilled me with monastic penance in hope to even the score;
         So that now, to still the clicking of my keyboard, I sat chanting
         “Laziness, impatience, and hubris be yours even more—
    May laziness, impatience, and hubris be yours even more;—
              But I’m still an XP Whore.”
    
         With each day my code grew stronger; although I am no Perl Monger,
    “Saints,” say I, “or simple Monks, it’s your wisdom I implore;
         But the fact is I’ve been sinning, and so openly you’ve been giving,
         And so prolifically you’ve been helping, helping this lowly XP Whore,
    That ashamed I am before you”—I admit I am an XP Whore;—
              Please ++ this $XP_Whore.
    
         At the XP levels I was peering, long I starred, my brain whirring,
    Pouting, scheming schemes to Sainthood that would be ill-gotten for sure;
         But the truth was awoken, that my soul would be broken,
         And the only words spoken by my conscience would be, “XP Whore.”
    This it repeated, with an echo in my console, “XP Whore!”
              I’m just a dirty XP Whore.
    
         Back to the monastery yearning, all my daily votes returning,
    Once again allowing me to ++ where I was unable before.
         “Certainly,” said I, “certainly this participation is monastic penance;
         Let me see, then, what this post is, and perhaps add more—
    Let me think clearly a moment and perhaps add more;—
              Because I am an XP Whore!”
    
         On this point I do not stutter, though, I often ramble and mutter,
    When the words sought in my brain are too deeply buried in its core;
         Or when a witticism fails me; or a Python Zealot flames me;
         But, from the wisdom of Erudil, nobody profits from a flame war—
    Even I know this truth that nobody profits from a flame war—
              Even I, a sinner, an XP Whore.
    
    Then my XP Nodelet chiming me from my philosophizing,
    By the wonderful and sought after fake internet points it bore,
    “Though thy value is argued in this Perl haven, thou,” I said, “art surely crave-en,
    Desired and coveted fake internet points of which I want more—
    Tell me what I must do to acquire even more!”
              Because I’m such an XP Whore.
    
         Much I’ve parsed this monastery to find wisdom given out so freely,
    Though its answers a little perplexing—a little ignorance it wouldn’t abhor;
         For we cannot help seeing that no unsaintly being
         Ever yet was not blessed with learning about Perl more—
    Links or heaps of code examples learned them Perl more,
              Thanks to my fellow “XP Whores.”
    
         But the Novice, sitting bewildered at his office, posts often
    That one thing, that the monks here so universally abhor.
         Incomplete code with inconsistent clutter—no use strict; or use warnings; uttered—
         Till the first monasterian mutters “Make sure your code runs before—
    Ignorant of our ways you may be, so Make sure your code runs before.”
              It’s hard to be an “XP Whore.”
    
         Embarrassed by this curtness spoken in reply to his post broken,
    “Apologies,” says he, “I’m simply new to learning Perl lore
         Caught by some unhappy manager who I fear could be a career damager
         Forcing fast and forcing faster maintenance on Perl code of yore—
    My experience has known none such Perl code of yore
              Please help me ‘XP Whores’.”
    
         But the monks still wondering what the Novice is pondering,
    Must wait for code and question clear, before knowledge pour;
         Then, with revision making, the Novice responsibility taking
         Kludge upon kludge, raking through his code so obviously poor—
    Receives fixes, suggestions, links, follow ups, and praises despite his code so obviously poor
              It’s what we do as “XP Whores.”
    
         Thus I sit engaged in confessing, but with little remorse expressing
    To the monks whose vast wisdom has engrained into my brain’s core;
         This and more I sit opining, with my thoughts all aligning
         On the subject of my rhyming that I’ll blatantly state once more,
    But that may be met with whining when I blatantly state once more,
              We are, all, just XP Whores.
    
         Now, methinks, many an XP dispenser, will ++ this if it passes the censor
    Swung by NodeReaper whose reaped-nodes frequent the Worst Nodes store.
         “Death,” I decree, “the gods hath given thee—a power that’s most unhol-ee
         Despite—despite the frequent ribaldry in the use of the word Whore;
    Quash, oh quash the use of your cruel scythe and accept this usage of Whore!”
              For the description fits “XP Whore.”
    
         “NodeReaper!” say I, “thing of necessary evil!—reaper still, if death or devil!—
    Whether Hater sent, or whether administrative duties brought thee to my door,
         I beseech to not be haunted, in this node that I have planted—
         Leave it to be freely taunted—this of you, I implore—
    Is there—is there need to plead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”
              Please let me be an “XP Whore.”
    
         “NodeReaper!” say I, “thing of necessary evil!—reaper still, if death or devil!
    By the Saints that guide us—by the gods we both adore—
         Tell this sinner with hubris abundant, and yes Poe was a little redundant,
         If his post is destined to be cast upon the Reaper’s floor—
    His post of toiling labor cast upon the Reaper’s floor.”
              Please don’t squash this “XP Whore.”
    
         “Know this of the title you’re imparting, monk or novice!” I declare, ego guarding—
    “Also thee can be labeled with the title of XP Whore!
         Declare no hypocrisy by being outspoken unless thy intent is mutual joke-en!
         Just simply give your ++ token!—especially if the receiver is XP poor!
    Spare thy -- from their stats—especially if they’re XP poor!”
              Now kindly ++ this $XP_Whore.
    
         My goal here, which is fitting, is XP getting, is XP getting
    And if I have entertained you and brought you from a state of bore;
         My whimsical XP scheming toward that Sainthood I am dreaming,
         Having lifted your spirit more inside this monastery we adore;
    And my spirit lifted with it inside this monastery we all adore
              Then ++ this—$XP_Whore!
    
    

    I love it when things get difficult; after all, difficult pays the mortgage. - Dr. Keith Whites
    I hate it when things get difficult, so I'll just sell my house and rent cheap instead. - perldigious
obfupoetry
3 direct replies — Read more / Contribute
by Discipulus
on Mar 21, 2016 at 05:06
    In occasion of first day of Spring* i give you the first issue of perl obfupoetry:

    who can guess the poem without running it?

    #!/usr/bin/perl use strict; use warnings; our @life = (0..70); my $self = { age => $life[int($#life/2)], # #078101108032109101122122111032100101108032099097109109 #105110032100105032110111115116114097032118105116097 # remember => sub{scalar @_}, }; our $wood = { dark=>1, #109105032114105116114111118097105032112101114032117110 #097032115101108118097032111115099117114097 # straight_way => undef, #099104101039032108097032100105114105116116097032118105 #097032101114097032115109097114114105116097046 # # wild=>1, rough=>1, stubborn=>1, inside=>[], }; while ( $self->{'age'} ){ push @{$wood->{'inside'}},$self; if (scalar @$wood{qw(wild rough stubborn)}) { #065104105032113117097110116111032097032100105114032113 #117097108032101114097032101039032099111115097032100117114097 # for (@$wood{qw(wild rough stubborn)}) { #101115116097032115101108118097032115101108118097103103 #105097032101032097115112114097032101032102111114116101 # $self->{'fear'}+= $$self{remember}->($_); #099104101032110101108032112101110115105101114032114105 #110111118097032108097032112097117114097033 # # } } last; } END { seek DATA,0,0; while (<DATA>){ print "\n" if /^#$/; s/^#//; print map {chr 0+$_} ($_=~/\d{3}/g); } } __DATA__

    Enjoy!

    (*)please do not reply with positivist comments about the exact first day of Spring: seasons always start in day 21: the notion was in my mind when thumbs were still there..

    L*

    There are no rules, there are no thumbs..
    Reinvent the wheel, then learn The Wheel; may be one day you reinvent one of THE WHEELS.
AI Overlords
1 direct reply — Read more / Contribute
by chacham
on Mar 09, 2016 at 09:29

    Gaming live,
    One of five,
    Humanity at one end.
    Each AI,
    Gives a try,
    Lee Se-dol defends.

    DeepBlue beat,
    That old meet,
    Over a decade has passed.
    AlphaGo,
    Joined the show,
    Go-ing very fast.

    Who's to say,
    When's the day,
    AI is overboard.
    I, for one,
    Give welcome,
    To our new overlords.

Don't format my code
2 direct replies — Read more / Contribute
by dmitri
on Feb 26, 2016 at 15:35
    If you take perltidy to my code,
    Я тебя поймаю и прибью, урод!
Happy Monkday
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by chacham
on Oct 27, 2015 at 10:38

    Today when i logged in,
    My clicking yet to begin,
    Today is a fun day,
    It said, "Happy Monkday!!1!"
    I was welcomed with a grin.

    To say it with such elation,
    That's the points of exclamation,
    Enclosing a number 1,
    A shift, meant for fun,
    The key to successful formation.

    "You've been here 4 stimulating years."
    The numeric pun, leaves me in tears,
    (It'd be better to double,
    But that's too much trouble),
    The Monastery, where monks are your peers.

    It warns me, "Don't panic!"
    (Do they think that i'm manic?)
    The greeeting was cursory
    It's just an anniversary
    And the greeting is pleasantly organic.

Pearls of wisdom
1 direct reply — Read more / Contribute
by Naren87
on Sep 11, 2015 at 02:08
    I learnt perl when I felt dumb, // .
    c++, java just made me numb, // .
    as I mastered, I got a thumb, //  .
    now I am picking the PEaRLs of wisdom.
Idling in #perl
No replies — Read more | Post response
by dmitri
on Jul 28, 2015 at 22:36
    while (each %day) { join #perl wait && wait && wait; sleep 60 * 60 * int(rand(7)); }
How sad.
10 direct replies — Read more / Contribute
by BrowserUk
on Jul 01, 2015 at 01:29

    How sad it is to see, the he that is not me, become the thing that he has long decried.
    The annuated bore, crying for what went before; those lost days of his rose tinted youth.

    So blind he cannot see, his own bigotry; his intolerance of those with whom he disagrees.
    He thinks he is the man; he thinks he has a plan, to suppress the source of his jealousy.

    Although he tries to hide, whilst he is being snide, to protect his once held reputation.
    It doesn't take ESP, to see that it is he, despite his lukewarm refutation.

    With his naughties: "Hate MS" meme; and linux everywhere dream; he doesn't realise, what he has become.
    Despite his tender age, he's really turned the page; now both a dinosaur, and utterly dumb.

A familiar mantra
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by belg4mit
on Jun 21, 2015 at 13:21
Perl sweet Perl
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by hda
on Jun 16, 2015 at 15:21
    Long ago, with Fortran 77
    using old unglamorous computer
    I cut my programming teeth
    totally unpretentious
    but nicely real and free

    In discovering Perl long after
    I soared high, far and glad,
    with scalars, arrays and hashes,
    PDL and CPAN gave me fantasy
    and serious wings to fly

    I then left home
    don't know exactly why
    flirting with other languages,
    only to come back, older and tired
    to my and yours faithful Perl

    In coming back to this realm
    among penguins and camels
    I finally find the peace and light
    among you wise and gentle monks
    in this one, that I can truly call
    my natural and only home


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