in reply to
gender & gentleness
I haven't consciously posted responses based on the apparent sex of the poster, but I do try to look at the homenode of the monk posting to see if they have only recently come to the monastery and if so, will do my best to temper my RTFM's to make them as welcoming as possible...
All of the answers you mention are valid...sometimes the best way to help someone is not do do the work for them but to show them how to help themselves...the trick is to not come off as some elitist jerk when doing so.
I always try to remember the saying, "if you build a man a fire, you keep him warm for a day....if you set a man on fire, you keep him warm for the rest of his life" ;-)