This was originally my entire plan... essentially. The only problem was my inability to locate an equivilant to Digest::MD5 for Java that didn't involve adding other 'providers.' I assume I could look into Digest::MD5::Perl or one of those variants and adapt it to Java, but something about that seems an awful lot like reinventing the wheel.
Thanks for confirming my faith in my original idea -- perhaps I will try implementing MD5 myself and see what happens.
My code doesn't have bugs, it just develops random features.