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If I were a rich (wo)man...

by davido (Archbishop)
on Sep 13, 2005 at 05:03 UTC ( #491469=poll: print w/ replies, xml ) Need Help??

vote on If I were a rich (wo)man...

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
[bar] 73/17%
I'd move the Monastery to an island paradise in the Carribbean and open the gods' swimming pool to everyone (shhh... except NodeReaper, for obvious reasons).
[bar] 27/6%
I'd buy the house next door to Bill and blast the Windows startup theme music every time I have to reboot.
[bar] 54/13%
I'd finally get rid of my Pentium-II.
[bar] 38/9%
I would fund a research project into building a better the ultimate mousetrap.
[bar] 14/3%
I would still be Just another Perl hacker,
[bar] 174/41%
Broadband for everyone! It's on me!
[bar] 29/7%
I would give the Chatterbox streaming video.
[bar] 11/3%
I would pay for Antivroom's therapy sessions.
[bar] 7/2%
427 total votes
Comment on If I were a rich (wo)man...
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by sk (Curate) on Sep 13, 2005 at 05:15 UTC
    It will be immensely satisfying to annoy Bill G. Remotely reboot window$ using a perl script on my Linux box at constant intervals! (not that rebooting window$ requires external intervention).

    While this is going on I will find myself a sound proof room and hack Perl happily :)

      Annoying Bill Gates is easy. Just talk about how great your iPod is, since it just works with iTunes, and now you're thinking of buying a Mac because ...

      Or just send him naked pictures of Steve Ballmer. <shiver>

      --
      tbone1, YAPS (Yet Another Perl Schlub)
      And remember, if he succeeds, so what.
      - Chick McGee

      Annoyance is too good for him - the real mission, which exists but needs more support, is to raise linux to the level of user-acceptability that Windows has no future. Invent your own 'superlinux' (or whatever you call it) theme music and pay to have it played on the radio and television - maybe a video with jennifer lopez and christina aquilera singing a duet and being generally naughty would assist the marketing.

      -M

      Free your mind

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by lvanhout (Curate) on Sep 13, 2005 at 06:02 UTC
    Perl Hacker all the way. With the extra time I would probably hack on a few more languages as well.
    Lane
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by johnnywang (Priest) on Sep 13, 2005 at 06:38 UTC
    perl hacker certainly, but will not take on those useless projects, simply perling for fun. Since job and marketability is no longer a concern, maybe I'll stop playing with other languages, come to thinkg about it, it may be more fun to learn one language a month, just for the hack of it, what do I care? I'm lost, but I'm rich, I'll pay someone else to perl for me, acutally to learn a new language for me.
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by greenFox (Vicar) on Sep 13, 2005 at 06:59 UTC

    I voted for biddy-biddy-bum since it seemed the best CowboyNeal option but I have a number of projects I would love to spend time on, in no particular order-

    • Learning some other human languages -I have been dabbling in Scots Gaelic for a few years but I would also like to learn Spanish (so I can further appreciate Pablo Neruda if nothing else)
    • Writing poetry and getting more of my poetry published
    • I've started writing several novels and one day I'd like to finish one.
    • Tree hugger/looking after the environment activities -there is always room for people with time and/or money to expend here.
    • ++ other worthwhile causes
    • I developed a medium level of profficiency with the flute when I was having lessons some years ago and I would love to get back to it.
    • More time in the garden growing food and in the outdoors generally.

    I expect I will always enjoy playing about with computers but being chained to a desk is far from my idea of bliss. If I had enough cash I would offer a bounty for someone to develop a Perl equivalent of the Starkit.

    --
    Murray Barton
    Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought. -Basho

      If I had enough cash I would offer a bounty for someone to develop a Perl equivalent of the Starkit.

      FWIW, at the time you wrote that, these equivalents existed, Perl2Exe, PerlApp/ppm, PAR/pp

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by holli (Monsignor) on Sep 13, 2005 at 07:42 UTC
    I voted I would give the Chatterbox streaming video.

    Of course just in the hope that Nevtlathiel will some lucky day forget about the webcam ;-)


    holli, /regexed monk/
      /me fears the day NodeReaper forgets about his webcam
      #!/usr/bin/perl -s -w sub AUTOLOAD{$_=our$AUTOLOAD,s,^.*::,,,s,_, ,,print}END{print chr 44} h(l_(P(a(u(J()),_(st())),o(n()),h(t()),_(er())),er())),c(a()),er(k())
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by fraktalisman (Hermit) on Sep 13, 2005 at 09:16 UTC

    It's quite unlikely for me to become rich. If that was my dream, I should have succeeded already, and then I might have chosen business or law rather than programming. But one never knows ...

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by zentara (Archbishop) on Sep 13, 2005 at 10:15 UTC
    I would build a huge monastery/retirement-farm for old monks, where we would sit around all day collectively solving the world's coding problems, drinking coffee, eating ice cream, and staying high. :-)

    It would have little one room cabins for each monk, fiber-optically linked to the internet. :-)


    I'm not really a human, but I play one on earth. flash japh
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by robharper (Pilgrim) on Sep 13, 2005 at 10:24 UTC
    Hmm, I'd love to do the annoying Bill bit, but I don't reboot often and to do so just to annoy someone seems a bit daft. So biddy biddy bum it is.
      Who is this Bill guy? What is this window's theme?

      I might use money to change my life, but I'd still be JAPH.

      Be well,
      rir

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by TedPride (Priest) on Sep 13, 2005 at 12:23 UTC
    Actually, I'd probably work a lot harder if I were rich. Money has to be managed, and investment / research projects have to be looked into. However, it would be fun work, not work work, and I'd have much cooler toys to play with when I wasn't working.
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by rockwiz (Friar) on Sep 13, 2005 at 13:47 UTC
    I know that I would probably do (close to) nothing but as much as I would love to do nothing, I think I would do it while sailing the seas..
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by He_Who_Is_Pale (Sexton) on Sep 13, 2005 at 13:53 UTC
    I'll assume that mousetrap is a metaphor.
    Fowarding the progress of the human race through science! That, or making damn fun games has always been my dream.
    So it would either be funding human-like AI research or adopting small/start-up game companies that amuse me.
      funding human-like AI research
      Hey, a nerd that breaks fashion and convention! :-)

      Those of us that get lots of money usually start space programs, these days...

        Making a smart computer is easy, making a smart computer that doesn't want to cleanse the earth of humanity is the hard part.
        Bedsides, if I wanted to do space, I'd just buy NASA. The government doesn't seem to want it much anyway.
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by radiantmatrix (Parson) on Sep 13, 2005 at 14:11 UTC

    I don't know that being wealthy would change much. I enjoy my job, not because it pays reasonably well (though that is important when it comes to doing other things like eating), but because it provides me with interesting problems to solve and opportunities to learn new things.

    I think I'd probably still be JAPH: though I might choose to do more in the way of research, learning to make useful CPAN modules better/faster/whatever, and finally getting time to make some decent obfu. ;-)

    <-radiant.matrix->
    Larry Wall is Yoda: there is no try{} (ok, except in Perl6; way to ruin a joke, Larry! ;P)
    The Code that can be seen is not the true Code
    "In any sufficiently large group of people, most are idiots" - Kaa's Law
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by blazar (Canon) on Sep 13, 2005 at 14:21 UTC
    I wouldn't be "Just another Perl hacker": I would be a Perl hacker with a damn lot of spare time and resources to improve my Perl hacking skills...
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by kutsu (Priest) on Sep 13, 2005 at 14:51 UTC
    • I'd actually be able to get a 2/4/8 year degree in 2/4/8 years without going flat broke

    2 year degree in 7 years! :\

    "Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am." Ambrose Bierce

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by Hue-Bond (Priest) on Sep 13, 2005 at 15:21 UTC

    I'd buy the house next door to Bill, move the Monastery there and encourage everyone to use sk's script.

    --
    David Serrano

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by poqui (Deacon) on Sep 13, 2005 at 16:04 UTC
    I picked "... finally get rid of my pentium II" because thats the most true, but I really liked the one about moving in next to Bill.
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by Paulster2 (Priest) on Sep 13, 2005 at 16:19 UTC

    I'd be JAPH, but still wondering what biddy biddy bum is really suppose to mean?

    Paulster2


    .oO( If only I could think of something perlish to write.... )

      In the musical, "Fiddler on the Roof", there's a song called "If I were a rich man." In it, Tevia (the lead character) sings about all the things he would do if he were rich. One of them is "All day long I'd biddy biddy bum, if I were a wealthy man." Gwen Stefani recently sold a bundle of CD's with her rendition, "If I were a rich girl." (isn't she?)


      Dave

        TMI...TMI...My head is going to explode!! JK, great info davido!

        Paulster2


        .oO( If only I could think of something perlish to write.... )
        Actually, Gwen Stefani's song is regrettably "If I was a rich girl." Basically demonstrating a desire to throw the subjunctive mood down on the ground and kick it in the balls, repeatedly. It's all too common these days. Probably because Strong Bad has yet to include it on a grammar CD.
        ------------ :Wq Not an editor command: Wq
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by qedrakmar (Beadle) on Sep 13, 2005 at 17:55 UTC
    What about "Fund research for my Datajack/Cybernetic Brain Interface"?
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by wolfger (Deacon) on Sep 13, 2005 at 18:27 UTC

    I'd fund the development of Parrot/Perl6, and try to influence things towards my preferences. :-)

      I'd still be a Perl hacker. Though being rich and having the Monastery on an island paradise in the Carribbean with the gods, would be cool ,but I'd most likely be spending my relaxing days learning Perl 6.
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by Popcorn Dave (Abbot) on Sep 14, 2005 at 02:34 UTC
    If I were that rich I'd have the time to devote to my pet projects instead of work projects. Oh to dream... :)

    Useless trivia: In the 2004 Las Vegas phone book there are approximately 28 pages of ads for massage, but almost 200 for lawyers.
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by tbone1 (Monsignor) on Sep 14, 2005 at 12:59 UTC
    A few years ago, I was laid off and out of work for three or four months, and I realized that no matter how much money I had, even if I had enough to buy Bill Gates, I need to work. Partly it's psychological; I would go nuts if I didn't have a job to go to. Now, I'm not saying I'd necessarily have the same job, or even be in the same field; I might start an Indy 500 race team if I had a billion dollars, but I need to work. Not only do I need to keep my mind active, but, cavemanish as this is, I feel like less of a man if I'm not earning money. I blame this on my pioneer-libertarian parents, but it's not the worst quirk to have, I guess.

    --
    tbone1, YAPS (Yet Another Perl Schlub)
    And remember, if he succeeds, so what.
    - Chick McGee

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by jcoxen (Deacon) on Sep 14, 2005 at 13:11 UTC
    I'd fund research into that damn DWIM interface I've been needing all these years.

    <grumble>frikkin computers INSIST on doing what I tell them to do instead of what I want them to do!!!</grumble>

    Jack

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by Grygonos (Chaplain) on Sep 14, 2005 at 15:02 UTC
    Iiiiiiiii wouldn't have to work hard.... yabba dibba dibba dubba... yabba dibba dibba dummmm. Let's be honest... you can't very well set us up for a Fiddler on the Roof quote and expect to not get the Fiddler on the Roof answer. <sing> Pardon meeee....Davidooooooo if you please... Davidooooooo </sing>
    Grygonos
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by jepri (Parson) on Sep 15, 2005 at 01:57 UTC
    No option for "stay permanently drunk", so I voted for AntiVroom's therapy sessions. I have to pretend to be sane and sober every day, so everyone else should suffer the same fate :)

    ___________________
    Jeremy
    I didn't believe in evil until I dated it.

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by Anonymous Monk on Sep 15, 2005 at 16:32 UTC
    What about "I'd finally get a Pentium-II?!?" I upgraded my Pentium 75 two years ago to a Pentium 133. I still haven't made it to a Pentium-II yet.

    My system is still running, and I can surf the web reasonably well with my 28.8 modem, as long as someone hasn't decided to make life complicated with too much Java or Flash. When I wander into an internet cafe to see what I'm missing, I usually find that the answer seems to be "I'm missing a bit, but not too much".

    One day I'll buy a laptop that overpowers my desktop by a factor of a thousand. So far, my cell phone is losing to my computer, but the gap is closing...

Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by SirBones (Friar) on Sep 15, 2005 at 17:14 UTC
    I already have the bum part worked out; it's the biddy biddy that will need work.

    "This bounty hunter is my kind of scum: Fearless and inventive." --J.T. Hutt
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by sithsasquatch (Scribe) on Sep 19, 2005 at 21:05 UTC
    I would've picked to remain a JAPH, but I'm not a JAPH yet . . .
    :'(
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by jkva (Chaplain) on Sep 20, 2005 at 09:04 UTC
    I would import certain US goods ;)
    I would use a bit of my money to take a year out of work, use that year to study, study, study.

    The rest of the money would go to good causes.

    I'd use 2 cents for this node.
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by EvanCarroll (Chaplain) on Sep 21, 2005 at 06:48 UTC
    I would hire lots of MCSDs and fork perlmonks.org rewritting it in ASP.


    Evan Carroll
    www.EvanCarroll.com
Re: If I were a rich (wo)man...
by Mago (Parson) on Sep 21, 2005 at 12:55 UTC

    I'd move the Monastery to an island paradise in the Carribbean and would still be Just another Perl hacker,


    Mago
    mago@rio.pm.org


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