Well... your version is a perfect iambic tetrameter, but I think the anapest at the end of 'and then I replied' gives a sense of playfulness and fits better with the rhythm of the words, yours is more...formal, don't you think?
in reply to Re^3: I laughed, I cried, I...
in thread I laughed, I cried, I...
But, yes, yours is technically superior - and I should have checked the scansion of my doggeral before critiquing someone else's! But, I must confess, I scan (and write) more by instinct and how something sounds to me... it has been interesting to see when that tendency is as asset (or not!) as I learn to code.
After more than 14 years of marriage to Yitzchak (ysth), I can finally do more than turn a computer on and off and use Microsoft Word! I've been amazed at how much artistry and beauty there can be in code... I had never thought of programming as potentially poetical.
Anyway, thank you for playing with me. :)