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I want more monkquips

by ambrus (Abbot)
on Apr 10, 2009 at 11:03 UTC ( #756792=monkdiscuss: print w/ replies, xml ) Need Help??

Do you know those monkquips that appear on the top of every perlmonks page? Like „Perl sensitive sunglasses”. I really like these quips, because they really give a feeling to what this monastery is like.

The quip on each page is chosen randomly from about a dozen quips. This set of quips has been virtually unchanged for years now, they all date back to the dawn of the monastery, yet they still seem relevant. I would, however, like a bit of more change, so I think it's time to add a few new quips.

I'd hereby like to ask you all to suggest new quips that you think are suitable to appear there. Also please state your opinion about quips others have suggested. The quips should be short and definitely not offensive to anyone. The decision on what quips get shown is ultimately up to the gods of course, but I think they need your creativity for finding good ones.

To boot, let me give a few possibilities. These are not really good, so I hope you'll suggest much better ones.

  • Perl monk, perl wisdom.
  • Make it (1) work, (2) right, (3) fast.
  • Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
  • Performance is overrated.
  • Security before utility.
  • Build with security in mind at the start, you can't add security later.
  • Read the fine manual.
  • Everybody stand back. I know regular expressions. (From xkcd://208.)
  • Elegant weapons for a more civilized age. (From xkcd://297.)
  • The language from which the gods wrought the universe. (From xkcd://224. See also Re^2: poll ideas quest 2010 - SciFi authors.)
  • Those are my principles, and if you don't like them, well… I have others. (This quote is attributed to the comedian Groucho Marx but it applies to perl well.)
  • Training wheels with the bicycle. (This might be offensive to PHP programmers a bit, so it's not really good)
  • Yes, even you can use CPAN (Title of the famous tutorial Yes, even you can use CPAN)

Maybe we could use some quotes from sci-fi classics, but I read most of those in translation so I don't know any English quotes.

Update: just let me note that unlike these quips, there have been lots of new XP quips and silence quips added in the course of years (you see the former in the XP nodelet when your XP changes, and the latter in the chatterbox when nobody speaks).

Update: I'll add any more possible quips that come into my mind later below.

  • Don't reinvent the wheel.
  • Here be dragons. (The monkpics refer to particular monks and show particular animals, so I think this might be acceptable too. By the way, it would be nice to have new monkpics as well, in fact there was already one attempt to get new ones, but it didn't work.)
  • We make our new users chop carrots. (Reference to Life at the Monastery. Chapter 1. Actually it might be better to make something like this into an XP quip paired with the infromation that we put Level 26: Saint to dishwashing duty.) (Update 2009-11-29: dishwashing duty is now mentioned in a new XP quip)
  • Realm of paco.
  • Welcome to the monastery. (Simple and effective.)
  • For dynamic types.
  • Seeking pearls of wisdom.
  • Serving the community since 2000.
  • Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I'll use regular expressions.” Now they have two problems. (Big thanks to Corion for pointing me to this entry in Jeffrey Friedl's blog which gives the exact quote and researces its source.)
  • A cat's entitled to expect these evidences of respect (from the song How to address a cat in the Cats musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber)
  • Explain ideas to a teddy bear.
  • Make a minimal example that reproduces the bug. (The unspoken half is that most of the time this will already solve the problem.)
  • My opinions my change, but not the fact that I'm right. (one of moritz's favourite quotes)
  • Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it – Linus Torvalds (original source)
  • Debugging is twice as hard as writing a program. (from Brian Kernighan)
  • Don't try to code your way out of a problem, start again. (from Programmers Nostrums)

Update 2010-10-04: see also and all is quiet in the Chatterbox, but it doesn't have to be.

Update 2011-01-05: maybe some of Random thoughts on programming could be reused too? I like these in particular:

  • Plan ahead.
  • That which is not automated does not reliably happen.
  • Have fun!

Update 2011-04-05: the spoiler block below will contain a full list of all the proposed quotes (no matter where they come from), in case me or someone else wants to set up a multiple-choice poll on what to add.

Update 2011-11-07: some new quips, some of which are listed in this thread, were actually installed to the site in 2010.

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Re: I want more monkquips
by FunkyMonk (Canon) on Apr 10, 2009 at 11:54 UTC
    I enjoy them too and I agree that more would be good. What about adding some Larry Wall quotes (eg my favorite "Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club someone to death with a loaded Uzi")?
Re: I want more monkquips
by targetsmart (Curate) on Apr 10, 2009 at 12:26 UTC
    does anyone know where perl lives?.... perlmonks!

    Vivek
    -- In accordance with the prarabdha of each, the One whose function it is to ordain makes each to act. What will not happen will never happen, whatever effort one may put forth. And what will happen will not fail to happen, however much one may seek to prevent it. This is certain. The part of wisdom therefore is to stay quiet.
Re: I want more monkquips
by roboticus (Canon) on Apr 10, 2009 at 12:37 UTC
    ambrus:

    Howzabout:

    • Got strict?
    • Perl ... the Swiss-Army chainsaw
    • You are in a maze of twisty passages, all different
    • Don't go west
    • Klaatu barada nikto

    And since you mentioned CB quips:

    • A hollow voice says "Plugh"
    ...roboticus
Re: I want more monkquips
by FunkyMonk (Canon) on Apr 10, 2009 at 12:39 UTC
    you see the former in the XP nodelet when your XP changes
    I've just made Monsignor, and got the following XP quip: "You gained 1 experience point due to radio active decay". I swear I've never seen that one bofore. Are they level dependent?
      Congrats.

      I got that same XP quip last week and when I asked about it on the CB, someone gave me a suitably quip'py answer :D

      AFAICT, the XP now appears to randomly attract a random quip...

      A user level that continues to overstate my experience :-))
Re: I want more monkquips
by grinder (Bishop) on Apr 10, 2009 at 13:13 UTC

    Great suggestions! I don't think "Training wheels with the bicycle." is offensive (speaking as someone who's writing a lot of PHP at the moment :(

    It's a subtle in-joke that will go over most people's heads. But if you have the context it makes you smile.

    • another intruder with the mooring in the heart of the Perl

Re: I want more monkquips
by zentara (Archbishop) on Apr 10, 2009 at 13:23 UTC
    Conciousness is an intrinsic part of the universe.

    Conciousness is an intrinsic part of Perl. :-) In my code anyways... :-)


    I'm not really a human, but I play one on earth.
    Old Perl Programmer Haiku
Re: I want more monkquips
by Zen (Deacon) on Apr 10, 2009 at 14:12 UTC
    * Where RTFM meets TIMTOWTDI.
    * Golfing since '87.
Re: I want more monkquips
by repellent (Priest) on Apr 10, 2009 at 16:42 UTC
Re: I want more monkquips
by BrowserUk (Pope) on Apr 10, 2009 at 17:43 UTC

    Not so much a quips (more lectures) but:

    Don't forget you've probably already forgotten, how hard it was to learn what you now take for granted.

    And

    The point of this place is not: to force newbies to go through the same pain you had to go through.

    And

    The answers offered here are starting points--not endpoints--to solving your problems.

    Examine what is said, not who speaks -- Silence betokens consent -- Love the truth but pardon error.
    "Science is about questioning the status quo. Questioning authority".
    In the absence of evidence, opinion is indistinguishable from prejudice.
Re: I want more monkquips
by Perlbotics (Abbot) on Apr 10, 2009 at 18:18 UTC

    The current list seems to be here: Random quotes in the top left corner...

    Citation:

    The other Four Horsemen of the I/O-pocalypse being IN, OUT, FH, and HANDLE.
    -- D. Conway (PBP, Chapter 10: I/O)

    Some ideas...

    • Perl6 released today!
    • Quantum Superpositions
    • Flip-Flops under the Cowl.
    • perldoc
    • CPAN
    • see pan-opticum
    • in dubio pro regex
    • real-time altruism
    • Where no Monk has gone before...
    • Perl me up, Larry...
    • Higher Order Perl
    • does not compile1)
    • Thou shalt "use strict;"
    • Blessed are they that write <code>
    • ...
    1) ... in the sense of perlcc

      As for Thou shalt "use strict;", I think it would be better to use the precise quote from 1st Monasterians: Blessed are they that "use strict;", because that's not a commandment (if it was, then perl forced it to us), but an advice you should keep for your own good.

      Oh, and this reminds me to another simple one: Don't reinvent the wheel.

        Don't reinvent the same wheel more than once.

        Once you've found that you've reinvented the wheel, discard it and get a decent one off the shelf.

        --
        use JAPH;
        print JAPH::asString();

      Perl6 released today!
      This seems cruel. It would send me scurrying to the news sites, that's for sure. :-)
Re: I want more monkquips
by mr_mischief (Monsignor) on Apr 10, 2009 at 19:48 UTC
    One movie quote that always comes to mind when I see a Perl solution to a problem that was overly complex to state in another language is: "This is my boomstick" from Army of Darkness.

    One quote I've always liked but that might be mildly offensive to some is "Those who don't understand UNIX are doomed to reinvent it, poorly." from Henry Spencer. It's not directly Perl-related, but it's close. Given the PCRE and so many other languages doing regular expressions as a bolt-on these days, perhaps "Those who don't understand Perl are doomed to reinvent it, poorly", but that could still be somewhat offensive.

    I really like your security, optimization, and other quips and the references to xkcd. Most of those included that aren't attributed can be attributed to someone, and probably should be. I know one is commonly credited to Donald Knuth and another to Kent Beck.

    Simple restatements of long-time Perl and PerlMonks slogans might help liven up the quips, too. "Orthogonality is overrated" could stand in for "TIMTOWTDI" or "There's more than one way to do things".

    Some short and simple in-jokes among the community might work, too. "By Christmas", "Who has the pumpkin?", "Just Another Perl Community Website", "What was rule #1 again?", and "Is that Obfu, Poetry, or Golf?" come to mind.

      Ah, as for in-jokes, we could have The error is in line 42. Also maybe some covert reference about he who must not be named.

Re: I want more monkquips
by atcroft (Monsignor) on Apr 10, 2009 at 21:38 UTC

    I ran across the following, which gave me a bit of a laugh (at least) this local AM:

    "After Perl everything else is just assembly language."
Re: I want more monkquips
by eyepopslikeamosquito (Canon) on Apr 11, 2009 at 00:05 UTC

      Some of the ones that I think would work well from those links:

      • I dream in Perl
      • It's all magic.
      • You want it in one line? Does it have to fit in 80 columns?
      • But for some things, Perl just isn't the optimal choice. (yet)
      • The computer should be doing the hard work. That's what it's paid to do, after all.
      • Almost nothing in Perl serves a single purpose.
      • Perl did not get where it is by ignoring psychological factors.

      I don't mind occasionally having to reinvent a wheel; I don't even mind using someone's reinvented wheel occasionally. But it helps a lot if it is symmetric, contains no fewer than ten sides, and has the axle centered. I do tire of trapezoidal wheels with offset axles. --Joseph Newcomer

Re: I want more monkquips
by CountZero (Bishop) on Apr 11, 2009 at 07:26 UTC
    All military inspired:
    • Regex ultima ratio
    • Ubique quo regex et gloria ducunt

    CountZero

    A program should be light and agile, its subroutines connected like a string of pearls. The spirit and intent of the program should be retained throughout. There should be neither too little or too much, neither needless loops nor useless variables, neither lack of structure nor overwhelming rigidity." - The Tao of Programming, 4.1 - Geoffrey James

      ....And for us Latin Dummies would that be?

    • Regex ultima ratio
    • Regex Rules / Rocks!

    • Ubique quo regex et gloria ducunt
    • Consider a regex for every occasion!

        Ubique quo regex et gloria ducunt

        Consider a regex for every occasion!

        Almost, I would translate it as: Everywhere the regex and Gloria leads us

        (Gloria is Larry Wall's wife)

        The originals were "Regis Ultima Ratio" (The King's last argument) and "Ubique quo fas et gloria ducunt" (Everywhere Fate and Glory lead us), which are the mottoes of resp. the Belgian and English Artillery.

        And before anyone complains: yes it probably should be "regegis ultima ratio" and not "regex ultima ratio", but that doesn't sound as nice.

        CountZero

        A program should be light and agile, its subroutines connected like a string of pearls. The spirit and intent of the program should be retained throughout. There should be neither too little or too much, neither needless loops nor useless variables, neither lack of structure nor overwhelming rigidity." - The Tao of Programming, 4.1 - Geoffrey James

        Regex ultima ratio puns on the phrase ultima ratio regum (literally, "the final argument of kings" - that is, war). Louis XIV apparently liked that phrase so much he had it put on French cannons. It also inspired a wonderful series of jokes in Neal Stephenson's Snowcrash involving a weapon named Ratio. (The joke manages to combine this Latin phrase with "I'll make him an offer he don't refuse..." from The Godfather movies.)

        The second is apparently a reference to the motto (or mottos - see below) of the Royal Regiment of Canadian Artillery: Ubique quo fas et gloria ducunt, which is literally, "Everywhere (where) right and glory lead." I'm assuming that the idea is this (imagine the soldier speaking): "I'll follow everywhere that right and glory lead."

        According to Wikipedia, the Ubique was separate from the rest, and you really have two mottos here:

        • Ubique: Everywhere
        • Quo fas et gloria ducunt: Where right and glory lead
Re: I want more monkquips
by perrin (Chancellor) on Apr 14, 2009 at 02:18 UTC
    I like this quote from dragonchild:
    If I have to ask if something is possible on PerlMonks, I probably should rethink my design.
Re: I want more monkquips
by Anonymous Monk on Apr 14, 2009 at 22:01 UTC
    • Serving the community since 2000, with ketchup.
Re: I want more monkquips
by xyzzy (Pilgrim) on Apr 15, 2009 at 20:05 UTC
    in the interest of brevity (these are quips, after all) i suggest that "We make our new users chop carrots" be just "New users chop carrots". Similarly, the last one can be replaced with "1 problem" =~ s/1/2/


    Everything is true." "Even false things?" "Even false things are true" "How can that be?" "I dunno man, I didn't do it."
Re: I want more monkquips
by why_bird (Pilgrim) on Apr 17, 2009 at 10:37 UTC
    Those are my principles, and if you don't like them, well… I have others. (This quote is attributed to the comedian Groucho Marx but it applies to perl well.)

    Good choice :) I'm a bit rubbish at thinking up snappy one liners, but I'd like to add my support to this movement and also ask..

    Training wheels with the bicycle. (This might be offensive to PHP programmers a bit, so it's not really good)

    what does this mean?!

    I also particularly like 'realm of paco' and the xkcd quotes!

    why_bird
    ........
    Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
    -- Groucho Marx
    .......
Re: I want more monkquips
by ambrus (Abbot) on Apr 23, 2009 at 08:59 UTC
Re: I want more monkquips
by spectre9 (Beadle) on Apr 23, 2009 at 20:12 UTC
    "Upgrade your gray matter, cause one day it may matter." -- Deltron 3030
    spectre#9 -- "Strictly speaking, there are no enlightened people, there is only enlightened activity." -- Shunryu Suzuki
Re: I want more monkquips
by girarde (Friar) on Oct 07, 2009 at 22:26 UTC
    In theory, theory and practice are the same.

    Everything should be as simple as possible, but not simpler.

      In theory, theory and practice are the same.
      The version I heard is:
      The difference between theory and practice, in theory, is less than the difference between theory and practice, in practice.

      -- Randal L. Schwartz, Perl hacker

      The key words "MUST", "MUST NOT", "REQUIRED", "SHALL", "SHALL NOT", "SHOULD", "SHOULD NOT", "RECOMMENDED", "MAY", and "OPTIONAL" in this document are to be interpreted as described in RFC 2119.

Re: I want more monkquips
by davies (Vicar) on Oct 08, 2009 at 13:50 UTC
    When there's nothing in the chatterbox, how about:

    The monks aren't silent, they just type fnord now & then

    The monks here right now seem to be Trappists

    Regards,

    John Davies
      The monks here right now seem to be Trappists

      I actually submitted a patch for that, but it has not been applied (yet).

      What is the sound of Windows? Is it not the sound of a wall upon which people have smashed their heads... all the way through?
Re: I want more monkquips
by JadeNB (Chaplain) on Nov 24, 2009 at 16:43 UTC
    I think that this line from a recent post by BioLion is ideally suited to be a monkquip:
    … remember that practice makes perfect and if it doesn't there is always PerlMonks!
Re: I want more monkquips
by ambrus (Abbot) on Nov 01, 2010 at 18:58 UTC

    The following piece of advice is from Richard Feynman.

    You keep on learning and learning, and pretty soon you learn something no one has learned before.

    Thus, I propose the following quip:

    Learn something no one has learned before.

Re: I want more monkquips
by ambrus (Abbot) on Dec 27, 2011 at 19:04 UTC

    Can you condense down these two quotes from Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless chapter 10 to short enough for a monkquip?

    1. The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when the thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
    2. „The thing he realised about the windows was this: because they had been converted into openable windows after they had first been designed to be impregnable, they were, in fact, much less secure than if they had been designed as openable windows in the first place.

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