sounds like not just the program is a hack, but also the table design. in my opinion it should be so that if any transformation is to be applied to any column, it should be capable of being applied to all values/rows of the column. so you should end up with (if any) just functions that apply to certain columns. I say "if" because there's quite a lot you can achieve directly in SQL code, which would obviate the need to procedurally apply functions row at a time. if you could achieve such an outcome, it would be much cleaner all round.
in reply to pluggable/dynamic data processing/munging/transforming module?
the hardest line to type correctly is: stty erase ^H