Oh, I thought you were saying you could use guard logic to fix your program.
I was confused because what you are saying is a complete non-sequitor. I didn't say you should always move code out of destructors. I'm well aware of the value of a destructor (and of tye's solution).
You ask for cheats to solve your particular case, but every time I provide one, you say it won't work in all circumstances. I'll say it again even though you said it was incendiary to say so, but that's not how Perl works.
If a particular solution doesn't work for your, say why, but don't say it can never work.