Insult generation.

sub insult {
  my $r = rand();
  if ($r < 0.3) {
    return "You are " . bad() . ".";
  } elsif ($r < 0.60) {
    return others() . " cannot believe how " . bad() . " you are.";
  } elsif ($r < 0.90) {
    return "If I had " . money() . " for every time you " . didsomethi
+ngstupid() . ", I would be rich.";
  } else {
    return insult() . " " . insult();
  }
}
[download]

etc. There are a ton of ways of doing it, some more flexible than others, so you could probably explore a whole series of successive "improvements". The language you use doesn't matter all that much either. (Especially if you print everything out immediately instead of returning it.)

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