Instead, YOU are told to look up documentation, they call you an idiot and lazy! All of this is true, but it doesn't get your work done. This must be very frustrating. You are obstinate and keep trying, but it is not working so well.

I suggest something different: tell ME all your problems and I will create solutions for them. You no longer need to worry about monks, I will do it all. It will work like this: You go onto the internet and google for things that you like to do. In your search, include the word "job". You will find web pages which let you do what you like and in return they will give you something we modern people call "money". When you have collected enough of this "money", contact me. I will handle your PERL problems and in return you give me the "money" (in our century we call this "paying for work").

I believe this will work out the best for us all. You no longer need to bother the monks and they do not need to insult you. Your PERL problems will be handled well and quickly and the sheep will like it too! Important: don't look for a "job" that has anything to do with programming. You are not good at it and never will be. That is not your fault, it is the fault of your laziness and bad character.