sub pedantic_syswrite {
  my $context=wantarray;
  if (defined ($context)) {
    if ($context) { # caller wants an array, which is (mostly) silly for write
      die "write doesn't return an array, silly!\n";
    } else {        # scalar context
      # no warning, because user should always check return value
      syswrite @_;
    }
  } else { # void context
    die "I'm not going to write if you don't check my return value\n";
  }
}