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Seeking a good punchline

by dws (Chancellor)
on Nov 30, 2001 at 04:27 UTC ( #128516=perlmeditation: print w/ replies, xml ) Need Help??

The first half of a joke popped into my head the other night, but the muses have so far withheld the punchline. I'm sure there's a good one somewhere, and it's driving me nuts.
A regexp and a hash slice are sitting at a bar.

The hash slice turns to the regexp and says "got a match?"

The regexp replies "___________________________."

{much laughter follows}

Kudos, and maybe a few votes, to whoever comes up with the best punchline. You can even tweak the setup if that helps.

Comment on Seeking a good punchline
Re: Seeking a good punchline
by cacharbe (Curate) on Nov 30, 2001 at 04:35 UTC
    "Sorry, don't get your reference"

    "No, so I can't replace /your lighter/"

    "Depends on the case <PAUSE> I know, I know. I can be insensitive"

    1001 hashes walk into a bar, the bartender says, "Sorry fellas, I can't serve your kind beer."
    The hashes respond, "We don't want beer...just a slice."

    C-.

    Update: from an anonymonk friend: "No, but I'll give you $1"

      No, but I'll give you $1

      Surely if there was no match, $1 will be undef :-)

        True, but in today's volatile economy, what really is the value of $1?

        C-.

        ---
        Flex the Geek

        If there was no match, $1 will be whatever if was before. Which actually *may* be defined:
        $ perl -wE '"foo" =~ /(.)/; "bar" =~ /f(o)o/ or say $1' f
Re: Seeking a good punchline
by dws (Chancellor) on Nov 30, 2001 at 04:45 UTC
    Here are two I tried and rejected.
    "Sure. Say, aren't you a local here?"

    "What? For a carved up druggy like you? No way!"

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by runrig (Abbot) on Nov 30, 2001 at 05:13 UTC
    Give me your key and I'll tell you (but only if you're not tied, of course). {groan}
Re: Seeking a good punchline
by blakem (Monsignor) on Nov 30, 2001 at 05:43 UTC
    The regexp replies "Not for the unordered sort like you."

    -Blake

(jeffa) Re: Seeking a good punchline
by jeffa (Chancellor) on Nov 30, 2001 at 06:20 UTC
    "Hey pal. I'm a Java regexp - you'll have to work harder than that!"

    {ouch}

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by Anonymous Monk on Nov 30, 2001 at 07:11 UTC
    Well, because I can't resist responding to that when people give me even the slightest excuse with one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies (Rustlers' Rhapsody):

    "Got a match?"     "Your butt and my face!"

    Maybe a variant on it?

    "My .*?\!$ and your key!"

    Okay, so maybe someone else can come up with a good one :)

    I really love the idea of Perl jokes.

    --JAPJ (Just Another Perl Joker)

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by petral (Curate) on Nov 30, 2001 at 07:42 UTC
    Wouldn't it be something like "Sorry, I only like singles." or "A match!?! You're so lost you need a map!"?
    Or is that too literal?

      p
Re: Seeking a good punchline
by blahblahblah (Priest) on Nov 30, 2001 at 11:21 UTC
    Nice one. The first two lines are pretty funny on their own, with "got a match?" as the punch line. Actually, just the thought of a hash slice and a regexp sitting in a bar together makes me chuckle.

    Here's my attempt at making a different joke out of your punch line:

    A substitution, s/\//\\/, walks into $bar and sits down and orders a beer. Already sitting next to him is another substitution, s/^$//e, holding a scotch and soda in one hand and staring expressionlessly at the pack of cigarettes she's holding in the other hand (camels, of course). s/\//\\/, hoping to bum one from her, asks her whether she wants to have a smoke together. She replies, "I'd love to, but I haven't been able to find a match."

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by stefan k (Curate) on Nov 30, 2001 at 14:58 UTC
    "Clearly you may use My::Lighter"
    "Bless you!"

    "Here, take my lighter"

    Of course one could imagine more variations on this theme ("my lighter is your key to success"). BTW: I really like your starting lines. They alone made me laugh. Thanks for the smile at a workdays morning :)

    Regards... Stefan
    you begin bashing the string with a +42 regexp of confusion

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by MZSanford (Curate) on Nov 30, 2001 at 21:03 UTC
    hmmmm, i am no good with jokes, but here is mine :
    "undef, call in array context next time." "sorry, @ISA told me hv's have vd's." "You can't tell ? i am a .*, i always have a match."

    i had a memory leak once, and it ruined my favorite shirt.
Re: Seeking a good punchline
by dooberwah (Pilgrim) on Dec 01, 2001 at 01:21 UTC
    Maybe this could be the start of a new "Perl Jokes" section here at the monastary. They seem to be even harder to write then poetry.

    -Ben Jacobs (dooberwah)
    "one thing i can tell you is you got to be free"

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by laughingboy (Monk) on Jul 16, 2002 at 22:55 UTC
    A very small tweak of the setup:

    A regexp and a string are sitting at a bar.

    The string turns to the regexp and says "got a match?"

    The regexp replies "Sorry, man. No strtok-ing."

    laughingboy

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by jmcnamara (Monsignor) on Jul 17, 2002 at 12:18 UTC

    This reminds me of the old csh joke: :-)
    csh% Got a light? No match

    --
    John.

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by Anonymous Monk on Nov 29, 2010 at 01:54 UTC
    For you situation, I thought of:
    The regexp replies "HOLY CRAP!! ...A TALKING HASH SLICE"

    You're setup's not very good though... I have a lot of experience in comedy. Take the scene (a bar) and think of a detail you might find in a bar (a noun or verb). Take whatever it is you thought of (I though of a stool), and think of any aspect/scenario that could possibly relate to it. Take the newly thought of aspect/scenario and combine that with the current scene. If it doesn't sound good, keep doing the same method until you find something that satisfies you. And when you come up with something good, change the setup to fit the punchline better. I came up with:

    A man in a bar turns to a gorgeous women and says "hey baby, I got 5 minutes what are you doing?"
    The women replies "I'm busying being inconspicuous, but I'm sure if you keep hoping from stool to stool trying to get lucky, you'll find gum under one of them"
Re: Seeking a good punchline
by ysth (Canon) on Nov 29, 2010 at 08:48 UTC
Re: Seeking a good punchline
by tye (Cardinal) on Nov 29, 2010 at 23:07 UTC

    The regex looks puzzled and eventually asks, "What do you return in a scalar context?"

    - tye        

Re: Seeking a good punchline
by wazoox (Prior) on Nov 30, 2010 at 12:18 UTC
    The regexp reply : "Use of uninitialized value $_ in pattern match". Regexp are so stubborn...

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