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Perl Poetry

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"Poetry" is in the eye of the beholder; it could be any of:
  • Poetry written in Perl
  • Using perl to generate poetry
  • Poetry about Perl/PerlMonks
New Poems
Really now
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by chacham
on Jul 16, 2012 at 01:04

    I am an old man, and a genius at coding,
    I'm an early adopter, and an expert at goading,
    I invented the cursor, while it was still loading,
    You probably didn't know it was me.

    I told Dennis Ritche to give it a letter.
    I told Richard Stallman to make teco better.
    I told Steve Jobs to be a trend setter,
    I knew them quite well, you see.

    I invented Assembly, in a java based runtime,
    I wrote a co-processor, to help me at crunchtime,
    I introduced Mac to Lisa, completely at lunchtime,
    I thought it was all meant to be.

    I am the expert, at each Senate hearing,
    I am the only opinion, that has any bearing,
    I set every tech fashion, with all i am wearing,
    I know everything, from A to Z.

    I used the 186, when modes were protected,
    I had the first modem, when sound was detected,
    I watched the first virus, as it got infected,
    All while drinking some tea.

    The term RFC, used to be my initials,
    I unsigned my ints, to protest some officials,
    I nibbled my bits, and took bytes from my pickles,
    There's just not enough to be free.

    I showed them that dark matter was a computational disaster,
    I drank water on Mars, so it would dry faster,
    I modeled paper-mâché Earth, when it was still plaster,
    Well, i even waved the fee.

    I queried a database, before sequel contrived,
    I played World of Warcraft, before Chuck Norris arrived,
    I found the Cow Level, and not only survived,
    It wasn't just him, but we.

    I cleaned up my code, before white space was invented,
    I lined up my lines, before they called it indented.
    I used Mr Radar, before Mr Coffee was rented,
    You should never go out to sea.

    I spoke completely in regex, when soldi had rule,
    (Aside from the fraction, that used the virgule,)
    I grokked every hot language, before they were cool,
    When they ask who it was, just say he.

    I made the first hack, at a COMDEX convention,
    I own the first patent, (that thing Babbage invented)
    I had the first browser, until Vint Cerf consented,
    All the pies in the pod, were of pea.

    I walked on the moon, before it was manned,
    I discovered the sun, so i could get tanned,
    I painted Jupiter's spot, completely with sand,
    I love it when people say gee.

    It's not that i'm stuck up, or want to be boasting,
    I just think it's me, you all should be toasting.
    I've been all around, especially in most things,
    There's only so many branches to tree.

    I invented SMS, just for the tweeter,
    I listed some torrents, i am the first seeder,
    I wrote silly poems, before there was metre,
    And decide when to end them, you see.

And yet
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by chacham
on Jul 15, 2012 at 00:38

    Perl has a CPAN-do attitude,
    Debian has a definite aptitude,
    Silly rhymes have stanzas that are crude,
    And yet, all is just so.

    Emacs has macros that can do,
    Vi has a quick bang there for you,
    Cows have a special way to moo,
    And yet, there's still more to go.

    C++ has a classy way to code,
    SQL has set a different mode,
    Copy verbiage is always best à la mode,
    And yet, the rest is in tow.

    Music has its own notoriety,
    Linguistics has spoken of an elaborate language tree,
    Using that many words was egregious of me,
    And yet, i cannot say no.

    Perlmonks has links to everything as a node,
    A monk has to wait for his page to load,
    I should really get back now to my code,
    And yet, i go with the flow.

looking for the perl within
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by silentius
on Jul 13, 2012 at 05:13

    A lovely thing to see:
    through the paper window's hole,
               the Galaxy.
    ~ Yoshi Mikami Issa. (1762-1826). ~

    alone, on the web,
    drops of sensitivity
    embrace an eyelash
    ~ Chris Spruck ~

    In all this cool
    is the moon also sleeping?
    There, in the pool?
    ~ Ryusui. (1691-1758). ~

    The haikus were taken from HAIKU for PEOPLE, they are not my own writings, but since they were inherently also talking about perl poetry, I thought of posting them here. I humbly hope I have not sinned.

beware of Geeks bearing gifts
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by Anonymous Monk
on Jun 20, 2012 at 17:02
    Malware on CPAN caused a haiku to pop up into my wandering mind. :-)
    beware of geeks bearing usb keys they may be trojans
Twas the night after Lulzsec
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by cavac
on Jun 17, 2012 at 18:33

    (Short version, adapted from RFC968)

    Twas the night after Lulzsec and all through the web,
       all my passwords were moving, every bit and octet,
    The crackers celebrated my fail and despair,
       while my company value dropped to 1 cent per share,
    The PerlMonks were nestled all snug in their beds,
       while visions of inbuilt security danced in their heads.
    And I with my PHP tracings and dumps
       prepared for some pretty bad bruises and lumps.
    When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
       I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
    There stood at the threshold with Laptop in tow,
       A PerlMonk hacker, all ready to go.
    I could see from the creases that covered his brow,
       he'd conquer the crisis confronting him now.
    More rapid than eagles, he checked my design
       and started to delete each individual line.
    His eyes were afire with the strength of his gaze;
       no bug could hide long; not for hours or days.
    A wink of his eye and a twitch of his head,
       soon gave me to know I had no more to dread.
    He pulled all of CPAN and googled for help,
       i looked like a fool and tried not to yelp!
    At last he was finished and wearily sighed
       and turned to explain why my software had died.
    I twisted my fingers and counted to ten;
       PHP "security" had done it again...
    "You have reached the Monastery. All our helpdesk monks are busy at the moment. Please press "1" to instantly donate 10 currency units for a good cause or press "2" to hang up. Or you can dial "12" to get connected directly to second level support."
Considered and aborted
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by stevieb
on Jun 12, 2012 at 02:37
    I write Perl,
    but not very well,
    if I counted on XP,
    I'd probably be in hell,
    but isn't that what this is,
    PerlMonks is a 'dive',
    I've survived my own lies and somehow stayed alive,
    post code or die,
    put in effort and at least try,
    I love my job at PerlMonks even when I get two votes and not five,
    I've grown up wonders,
    even though I rap better than I code,
    but that's ok,
    as it's something the whole world knows,
    I love the criticism,
    and the strong truth,
    but isn't this why the newbs come here to you?,
    they don't come for mental alignment,
    they ain't here for psychologogal consignment,
    they're here cuz the're newb's with haven't none,
    of the laws of Larry's confinement,
    we show them the ropes,
    with closeness,
    diligence instead of misappropriateness,
    tell them we don't do homework,
    but we don't condemn other monks importantness,
    I'm a religion of sorts,
    I'll slam what is disorted,
    don't put down quality posts of monks,
    of the time they've afforded of the quality they've reported,
    but like hip-hop,
    I'll smash you when all you respond with,
    should be Considered and Aborted.
    © -stevieb
Beauty queen
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by stevieb
on May 21, 2012 at 22:14
    oh Perl,
    what have you done?,
    you turned me from building developer,
    into a network engineering thug,
    I'm crushed,
    but I've stuck by your side,
    you're the only one who I stick by with glistening in their eyes,
    I've tried,
    to communicate in other ways,
    but you update and portray,
    how you'll love me anew each and every day,
    as I stand crazed and amazed,
    on your pipe I blaze,
    those other languages mean nothing,
    that's the truth of it babe.
    For me it's you or nothing,
    I dabble elsewhere when need be,
    but you're the beauty queen,
    who has forever captivated me.

    'gratz on 5.16!


Friar in training
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by stevieb
on Apr 24, 2012 at 19:00
    called my ex-wife,
    but she's stuck on prototypes,
    she can't see,
    I've moved on with my life,
    I'd upvote that,
    but I have no votes left,
    it's like on PerlMonks,
    there's nothing I can do,
    wishing votes were up my ass,
    but the lack of votes is what the Gods choose.
    We state the well being,
    of posts that are good,
    some formatting that exceeds,
    the threshold,
    of what we consider crude.
    Some we'd leave in the dust,
    good questions be damned,
    but I'm just a human writing Larry's English language.
    We'll leave the formatting to rust,
    but I trust,
    as someone new in the game,
    I've seen things portrayed,
    while willing to bend the old ways,
    I've read the FAQ,
    and as soon as I hit the nine,
    I'll consider with patience,
    all posts with kindness in my mind.
Method to my $madness
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by stevieb
on Apr 09, 2012 at 15:24
    Back in the day,
    I was unable to say(),
    I had to print() everything to find the err of my ways,
    but things changed,
    and now I can return(),
    to the main() program of life,
    where nearly everything burns,
    I'm not rapping this on a mic,
    I'm just writing to be free,
    before I have to split(),
    and perform other tasks that bore me.
    So I grab my map(),
    and put two and two together,
    hashing into keys the locations,
    that I can remember,
    but I've %seen these places,
    now what do I do?,
    I pick a rand()om place that none of us have ever been to,
    but the rules are strict,
    I keep getting warnings,
    something about being literal when I'm trying to be corny,
    but I'm out of the ord()inary,
    I'm a chr()acter in reverse(),
    I know what Larry wanted,
    but my linguistics are the worst,
    this is freeverse,
    I DESTROY()ed the English language,
    I just hope I get eval()uated to true,
    before I die() and then get laughed at,
    but it isn't like that,
    all I seek() is some closure,
    I'm not an array of elements trying to get sort()ed into order,
    I'm random,
    I try to please for() each(),
    it's like a disease,
    I've thrown away all the keys(),
    I write in these confinements,
    it's a very strict type of squeeze.
    The warnings teach me lessons,
    correct my spelling and my messes,
    but if Larry's crew would finish Perl6,
    to my $madness I'd have methods.
    - stevieb 20120409

    Copied from my blog post.

Blue Perl
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by Joe_
on Apr 02, 2012 at 18:40

    I'm new to the whole Perl poetry thing here, so bear with me. I'm a big fan of 'Black Perl', so here is 'Blue Perl':

    package in; split my $_=fork, pop and wait; for my $passion (@to_terminate) { map {my $body} ($through and $through); shift @me,'oh'..'so close to you!'; } listen 'closer',$_ foreach $breath; kill $me,'with that little death'; "What's the meaning of this rhyme"? 'You will come to learn in' : time; if (our $little_code) {'is_run'}; 'Then the two'. $will_be.'as', 1;
    EDIT: Some changes made according to suggestions from tobyink. Also, couldn't resist adding "package" to that! :)

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