in reply to localtime/strftime not behaving as expected
For a job like this, you probably want to use Devel-NYTProf, Devel::DProf or Devel::Profile (the first tends to be preferred these days).
Bought a souvenir
Emailed all my friends about it
Got blowed up
Hit him right dead in the jaw
Made it awkward
Took a selfie
Want to go home
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