You're not the first person to suggest changing the
subroutine. I'd like to clarify that that is exactly
the thing which I was hoping to avoid.
The example I gave above was a rather simplified example.
Some of the subroutines are rather long and complex, and
with the current allotment of time, it's not feasible.
Any new stuff we will write will certainly take advantage
of all the fine features that the TT has to offer, but for
the existing stuff, I need something quick and dirty.
dondelecaro suggested IO::Scalar which seems promising,
and I like perrin's suggestion as well.
I'll try out both of those.