Hi! From what I understand, you are trying to go to 1,000 mph from 0 mph. To start on this journey, a basic understanding of Perl is necessary. Perhaps, this book:
Perl for Dummies might be a starting place? I haven't seen it, but some basics are necessary to get to the point where you can solve a problem even if you are a regex black belt.
To see where regex can go, the "classic" is Mastering Regex by Friedl. This is definitely not a beginner book! The reason that I mention it is that you will see what kind of problems can be solved with regex even if you only understand 10% of the book.
Sorry that we can't meet in person, I live in California and that is a bit of a trek to meet for coffee.
Update: There is apparently some issue with the "Dummies" book. I haven't seen it (and I did mention that fact above). Learning Perl does get a thumbs up from me. I do have Friedl's book.