|There's more than one way to do things|
ww's scratchpadby ww (Bishop)
|on Aug 25, 2004 at 16:48 UTC||Need Help??|
For Q&A eds re probs with How to force one variable to be an alias to another?:
20111202 for jdporter: Holders of Unholy Powers should display a random rumour about the powers of the group rotating every dayFor ambrus re docs: "Certain other shadowy groups co-exist with the Cabal... but the less said about HOUP...BoF... etc, the safer you will be" (or similar... or even not so similar, except for tongue-in-cheek-ness?)"
post-9/11 Idiocy (Identifying office symbols, names, deleted):
Effective immediately, due to an INFOCON level increase, Outlook Web Access (OWA), Webmail, has been shutdown. We do not expect that it will be back online anytime soon, if at all. Please remember, this is not a XXXX Automation Helpdesk decision and XXXX can not remedy the situation.
To access your email remotely, consider the following choices:
The HTML capability to send and receive email will also be removed. We are now enforcing plain-text only emails. It will make emails look a little strange and you can not have hyperlinks in the email message. If someone gets all square boxes, instead of text, in an email please open a trouble call with the Automation Helpdesk.
** As a further reminder, all users must register their CAC Cards on our Intranet site. Just click on CCL Registration. Accounts that do not have a CAC registered will be deleted. All workstations need to be upgraded to Windows XP. Computers still running Windows 2000 will be cut off from the network. Computers must be brought into the Automation Helpdesk in xxxxxx to have them upgraded to Windows XP.xxxxxxxxx, XXX... (name, etc, removed to protect the innocent)
Gaaaaak! my reply....
TO: (Addressees supressed: identification of individuals and units compromises security) SUBJECT: INFOCON CLASSIFICATION: Unclass DATE: suppressed, just because we can)
Effective yesterday and for the foreseeable future, email has been suspended. An INFOCON level increase, directed by higher authority, required us to take this step. Higher Authority asserts that this step will not only increase security for all members of the United States Military Forces, but will also enhance efficiency, allowing additional resources to be devoted to The War On Terror.
In the future, and effective immediately, all correspondence, directives, orders and other information previously conveyed by email will be inscribed on "paper" or "vellum" (definitions and explanations, infra., at Note 1.) utilizing any of the following acceptable technologies:
Also per the current INFOCON level SOP, possession or use in any military workplace of computer-related technology (exceptions at Note 4.) may, at the discretion of whomever (Note 6.) is next assigned to the Helpdesk after the violation is reported, may subject military personnel to disciplinary proceedings up to and including General Court Martial. Civilian personnel will be summarily executed.
There is one further additional unrelated note, which we have hidden at the bottom of this memo in the expectation that some of you will fail to read it.
Note 1: "Paper" is a form of material commonly found in the form of sheets and often white in color, and sometimes utilized to disseminate information printed or written thereon. Some Members may have observed or even utilized "paper" in the past. Check with your chain of command for your unit or Directorate Paper-Coordinator. "Vellum" is an obsolete technology whose re-introduction to the military forces will afford our communications contractor the opportunity for vast profit.
Note 2: Manual typewriters only. Electric typewriters generate decodeable and interceptable radio frequency pulses for each character typed. Current technology is known to allow interception of these pulses at distances up to dozens of millimeters. Further, since an on-going study of potential security hazards has identified power lines as a possible source of information compromise, electric appliances may be proscribed in the future.
Note 3: As a field expedient, when necessary, crayons may be utilized. Additionally, in the field, documents are permitted, when required, to be inscribed upon birch bark or slabs of newly hewn wood. However, use of cabbage leaves is deprecated.
Note 4: Qualified Information Technology or Intelligence personnel (cf: oxymoron) are authorized and directed to operate captured Al Quaeda computer technology for the purpose of analysis and tactical data gathering. In addition, use of digital numerical calculators is authorized, when required and on a case-by-case basis, and when specifically approved by appropriate authority (minimum: GS-15 level). Examples of appropriate use include the calculation of artillery aiming and inventory accountability maintenance.
Note 5: This note left deliberately BLANK. (Well, not really, because it says its blank, but you should get the idea.)
Note 6: Since the continued contraction of authorized uses of Information Technology is anticipated to accelerate in compliance with the latest INFOCON level change, most assigned IT personnel will be transferred to alternate duties. However, current projections anticipate that at least one IT staff member will be assigned to help desk duties on the third Thursday of months whose (US English) names include the letter "p" or "x."
Unrelated information: Yesterday has been declared an additional holiday for state and federal personnel who were actually present for and performing duty yesterday. Those individuals are authorized to have taken yesterday off. Employees and Members on a regular day off, pass or leave day or otherwise not present for and performing their customary duties yesterday are NOT authorized an alternate or compensatory day. Additionally, and solely to further obfuscate our intent, here is a second additional bit of information; a key and relevant proviso of the latest INFOCON level SOP: creation or possession of any document, paper, file or other information storage technology utilizing justified type (or, typesetting) will be deemed prima facie evidence of the possession or use of prohibited technology.