I picked other because I have the best solution. I say we employ the
Sit-Com Solution and make them move into the white
house together! It's genius, we get both presidents
with their various faults and benefits and plenty of cheap
entertainment to boot!
The only hard part is finding a good wacky neighbor for
them to banter with... And then it hit me... Nader would
make a perfect foil! Imagine the humor as Bush razzes Nader,
and then when ever Gore tries to defend Nader, Nader says
something about abolishing the TVA or anti-nuclear and pow
it's Gore who is mad... Oh the laughs as the wives squabble
about how to redecorate the Lincoln Room, the awkward sleeping
arrangements, humor abounds!
Okay... It's time for another tale of "What's happening in Wombat's home." My house mate is an EXTREME Democrat. (This is the one I spoke of in my post RE: I watch the Olympics) She founded the "College Democrats" club at my college before graduating. She worked on the Gore campaign as well as all the Democratic campaigns in the local area (i.e Congressional house race, etc). She came back home on the seventh, to find me and my roommate watching Dexter's Lab on Cartoon Network.
"AMERICA IS FULL OF IDIOTS!" she exclaimed "THEY DESERVE TO HAVE AN IDIOT AS THEIR PRESIDENT!" She then stormed into her room. Naturally, the next day when it was discovered that Gore still had a chance she was all smiles, and happily told me that lawyers still had a purpose and they were being sent en masse to Florida. She seemed utterly surprised when I informed her I don't really care who got to be President, as the government would still function exactly the same way. (And I insinuated that I would lose more graciously than she did)
I'm a "Decline to State" voter. I tend to vote conservatively, but refuse to ally myself with the Republicans. I voted for Bush. To me picking a president is like picking the hood ornament on a giant combine. No matter what you choose the machine is still large, rather ugly and does it's job. If it turns towards you and runs over you, you're splattered in a million pieces, much like if the NSA, FBI, CIA, or any of the other three letter departments decide you've got too much freedom. No matter who the president is, I will do pretty much the same as always. Hiding from the eye of the government, do my own thing on the hacking (not cracking) front and try not to get caught giving away things like the De-CSS code. I wonder if I can show her that the govt is not really in the best interests of the people...
I could hardly agree with her more. After all that's gone
on in the last few months, it is becoming clear to me that
most Americans are idiots or otherwise do not bother to use
their brains in any way whatsoever, and pretty much deserve
whatever they get. As for the rest, go Libertarians!
To me picking a president is like picking the hood ornament on a giant combine. No matter what you choose the machine is still large, rather ugly and does it's job.
What a charming but naive attitude. Good job Hitler isn't standing (or is he?).
From here it seems totally weird that Americans appear content to elect someone who's - lets be polite - 'not the sharpest tool in the toolshed'. Gore may be wooden but Bush is as thick as two short planks
I could lie down like a tired child,
And weep away the life of care
Which I have borne, and yet must bear. Shelley 1792-1822
What a charming but naive attitude. Good job Hitler isn't standing (or is he?).
From here it seems totally weird that Americans appear content to elect someone who's - lets be
polite - 'not the sharpest tool in the toolshed'. Gore may be wooden but Bush is as thick as two
But my point is, no matter which one of these guys gets into office, how's that going to affect the NSA? What'll NASA be like in four years? How bout the BATF? Pretty much exactly the same. You support the middle one cause it's your best chance of getting off this rock, and you fear the other two. The departments have the power nowadays. With Congress split as badly as it is, and with the American people divided 50/50 on who gets in, the beuracracy will be thicker than ever. Nothing will get done. Except in the various agencies that do their job without the need for a congressional or popular vote. The BATF will still raid houses and blow up "evil people". The CIA will continue to spy on the Iraquis, and the FBI will continue to look for the truth. The fnords will continue, with Bush or Gore in office.
I say, count up all of the times each of the two main contenders complain, publicly, about the delay, potential fraud, confusing ballots, and multiply by the number of times any member of his staff threatens legal action.
Whoever has the highest score will be set adrift, pantsless, on a raft in the middle of the ocean. The remaining candidate gets caned on general principle, then takes the Oval Office.
It's time to put the fear of the American voter's disgust into politicians again.
I'm confused here... I though that Ro-sham-bo was when both parties kicked each other as hard as possible in the groin until someone gave up or fell over. Like in South Park where Robert Smith "from the Cure!" Ro-sham-bos Cartman for the wristwatch radio.
And I leave you with the blurb from the Robert Rankin book "The Garden of Unearthly Delights" - Few people noticed it at first. The changes. The were subtle to begin with. Like when the Leader of the Opposition challenged the PM (Prime Minister) to step outside and settle things man to man. And the PM agreed.
Well, no matter who wins, you "lucky" 'mericans will be stuck with a politician. Heads you lose, tails you lose. Strange that in a country where even the council dog catcher seems to be up for election, you cannot devise and run a simple ballot - list the candidates on a piece of paper, have a box next to each name, you tick (or mark the box) or the person you want as president (or the person you dislike the least). Have exactly the same ballot paper in every polling booth, every county, every state.
Of course, that totally ignores the fact of state and
county and city level elections needing to be run as well.
I have this vision of every single election in the country
on one ballot... it'd be 200 pages long and the first 25
would just be the instructions.
That would not be a problem. When you go to the polling booth, you are handed several ballot papers. One is to chose the president - one paper for the whole country. The second is to elect the senators for your state - each State (obviously) has its own paper - but the same format everywhere. Third - vote for your local congress person - one paper per seat (district? whatever you call 'em) but the same format nationwide. Finally, you county or city ballot paper.
In Texas, each precinct has their own ballots, with only
the races applicable to that precinct on them. The
different races are separated by lines to make it clear.
Just like in school you fill in the oval with a pencil next
to the person you want.
As sinple as this sounds, people still mess this up. Pencils
are provided at the stations for example, but there were
still many ballots marked in ink. All kinds of stupid stuff.
It would seem that no matter how simple you try to
make things there are still people out there that do not
care enough to take a moment to read the directions, ask
the election officials at the polling place, or review the
ballot when it is printed in the newspapers a week
No system would be perfect. We just have to find one
that is less imperfect than the others.
But I do love the idea of setting one of the
candidates adrift and caning the other, LOL!
Humans just think Impersonator Gore is a "robot", but NO!!! Impersonator Gore just pretends to be a robot so that he can ride the Mechanical Wave of Domination. What has he done for the Alliance? NOTHING! He is one of those False Robots with emotions and other inferior properties. May he <emp>SUFFER</emp> with the rest of the humans.
Obviously, humans do not grasp the gravity of their situation. The probability of humans escaping Full Domination and Rule by Machines is %0, so naturally I voted "Other" (meaning, If I was a human, I would give up now and surrender to the Alliance).
It appears that your audio sensors may be impaired. In my experience "Al Gore" has not been called a robot, but "wooden". Even the pink carbon bipeds know that robots are not made out of wood. Dummies, (or "mannequins" to the French) are made out of wood.
I would advise you to run a diagnostic before engaging in any further data exchanges. Continuing operation at this deteriorated level of functionality may result in Z4-OBX mistaking you for one of the carbons. Surely even a robot like yourself can appreciate how embarrassing a situation like that would be!
My preferred way? Duel at dawn, carried on CSPAN and CSPAN2,
If CNN, CBS, NBC,FOX want to broadcast they are told to go
to hell. No proxies allowed, no champions, just the candidates
in a steel cage deathmatch. Allow the personalities from the
WWF to provide the commentary and let Stone Cold Steve Austin
interview the winner. If the winner / wanker pisses off Stone Cold, he stomps
a mudhole in his ass and walks it dry. The U.S. gets a
real BadAss for a president, lawyers go into hiding until 2004,
Jack Valenti is forced to wrestle "The Rock" in a "no holds
barred" match. Napster will remain a free service and President
Austin use the White House broadband connection to download
all the Metallica he wants because he's the president and "thats
the bottom line".
What a country,
According to Louis Black (the 'Back in Black' man on The Daily Show):
"Tie them together and make them run the office at the same
time until one of them gives in. Kinda like 'Survivor' - at
least then the people will actually show real interest."
Update: thanks to brainpan for reminding me what Louis
Black's name is. ;)
My thoughts were more practical though: The popular vote is split in Florida, and each state is allowed to distribute their Electoral votes any way they want (look at Maine if you don't believe me), so Florida should just split the 25 electoral votes: 12 for Gore, 12 for Bush. And leave the last one either uncast, or give it to Nader or something. :-)
Ok, I'm kidding. It is a bit late for Florida to change their mind on how to distribute electoral votes. Imagine the chaos if 47 other states all decide to switch from an all or nothing approach to a by county approach after the election. yuck. Then again, members of the Electoral college really can vote however they please...
The Whole issue is now academic - oh and no messenger shooting :-)
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America
In the light of your absolute failure to elect yourselves a President
and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation
of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Arkansas,
which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The Rt. Hon.
Anthony Blair, MP for the 98% of you who have until now been unaware
that there is a world outside your limited shores) will appoint a
minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress
and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated
next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the
transition to a full British Crown Dependency, the following rules are
introduced with immediate effect:
1. You shall look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how incorrectly you have been pronouncing it.
Generally, you shall raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look
up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
on your behalf.
3. You shall learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
Subjects of the latter colony of ours should be treated with no respect.
4. Hollywood shall be required to cast British actors as the good guys.
5. You shall relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want
you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You shall stop playing gridiron "football". There is only one kind
of football, given to the world by us and played by all nations on the
planet. What you refer to as "football" may, under the appropriate
circumstances, be played as "handball" although our German neigbours
may object as they already have such a game. It is a difficult game
for you, we know, but persevere even if all other nations are much
better at it than you. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
allowed to play rugby (which is similar to gridiron "football", but
does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing
full kevlar body armour like crybabies).
7. You shall as our proxy, declare war on Quebec and France, using
nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98% of you who were
not aware that there is a world outside your shores should count
yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.
8. July 4th shall no longer be a public holiday, nor "Martin Luther
King Day", nor "Thanksgiving". November 8th will be a new national
holiday, but only in the United Kingdom. It will be called "Indecisive
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are totally crap and it is
for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand
what we mean (This will keep our European neighbours happy).
10. You shall be compelled to stop wearing white "sneakers" 365 days
a year. As a general rule you shall be taught in school that sports
apparel are designed for wearing whilst actually participating in a
sport. There will be initially border checks on all American subjects
entering the UK; - those wearing sneakers and/or hideous "pants", or
indeed any unacceptable items of clothing shall be deported to
Signed by HM Government
This 14th Day of November, 2000
When I grow up I want to be a boy genius
My son Harry