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Re^2: Lesson for grasshopper haiku

by kutsu (Priest)
on Mar 02, 2006 at 15:47 UTC ( #533932=note: print w/ replies, xml ) Need Help??

in reply to Re: Lesson for grasshopper haiku
in thread Lesson for grasshopper haiku

Since the requirement is 5, 7, 5 mora, not syllables, that seems acceptable. Though I don't see a kigo (season word) anywhere. Maybe add a second verse for that:

Flowing as water Filling quick the emptiness Swift the fingers move

++ for the neat poem. (I don't like the added "are" it doesn't flow as well IMHO).

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Re^3: Lesson for grasshopper haiku
by zentara (Archbishop) on Mar 02, 2006 at 15:54 UTC
    Yeah, I though about "completely contained within" would be better, but I thought it might be stretched to 8. What do you think?

    I'm not really a human, but I play one on earth. flash japh

      By my count that could be 7 or 9 mora (English being a much harder language to find mora in then Japanese) but as I was explained within 1 syllable on the second verse is acceptable for an English language haiku. Besides this is perlmonks not poemmonks so as long as it's close and about perl, it's good enough for me. :)

        Ok, back to the original. :-)

        I'm not really a human, but I play one on earth. flash japh

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