(Pre-edited to protect silly peoples' silly sensibilities.)
You're clearly trying to (pee) on that thread by saying that Real Computer Scientists who Love Functional Programming find it all beneath them. I could go on and on asking what being self-taught or being an (oh my (furry) (Gosh)!) imperative programmer has to do with various entries (try "Binary "x" is the repetition operator:"), but it would probably be a waste of time in this programmer (disk)-size war.
And the DATA filehandle is no more esoteric than a print statement.
This is so deliberately obtuse that I don't know how to respond. Let's try a short play:
You: John, please print this.
John the Secretary: Okay
You: John, does DATA refer to: (1) all the lines after __DATA__ in the current file; (2) all the lines after DATA; (3) a file named DATA; (4) none of the above?
(Fruit). Sometimes I know which words to chant for approval, but just can't bring myself to say them.