I am an old man, and a genius at coding,
I'm an early adopter, and an expert at goading,
I invented the cursor, while it was still loading,
You probably didn't know it was me.
I told Dennis Ritche to give it a letter.
I told Richard Stallman to make teco better.
I told Steve Jobs to be a trend setter,
I knew them quite well, you see.
I invented Assembly, in a java based runtime,
I wrote a co-processor, to help me at crunchtime,
I introduced Mac to Lisa, completely at lunchtime,
I thought it was all meant to be.
I am the expert, at each Senate hearing,
I am the only opinion, that has any bearing,
I set every tech fashion, with all i am wearing,
I know everything, from A to Z.
I used the 186, when modes were protected,
I had the first modem, when sound was detected,
I watched the first virus, as it got infected,
All while drinking some tea.
The term RFC, used to be my initials,
I unsigned my ints, to protest some officials,
I nibbled my bits, and took bytes from my pickles,
There's just not enough to be free.
I showed them that dark matter was a computational disaster,
I drank water on Mars, so it would dry faster,
I modeled paper-mâché Earth, when it was still plaster,
Well, i even waved the fee.
I queried a database, before sequel contrived,
I played World of Warcraft, before Chuck Norris arrived,
I found the Cow Level, and not only survived,
It wasn't just him, but we.
I cleaned up my code, before white space was invented,
I lined up my lines, before they called it indented.
I used Mr Radar, before Mr Coffee was rented,
You should never go out to sea.
I spoke completely in regex, when soldi had rule,
(Aside from the fraction, that used the virgule,)
I grokked every hot language, before they were cool,
When they ask who it was, just say he.
I made the first hack, at a COMDEX convention,
I own the first patent, (that thing Babbage invented)
I had the first browser, until Vint Cerf consented,
All the pies in the pod, were of pea.
I walked on the moon, before it was manned,
I discovered the sun, so i could get tanned,
I painted Jupiter's spot, completely with sand,
I love it when people say gee.
It's not that i'm stuck up, or want to be boasting,
I just think it's me, you all should be toasting.
I've been all around, especially in most things,
There's only so many branches to tree.
I invented SMS, just for the tweeter,
I listed some torrents, i am the first seeder,
I wrote silly poems, before there was metre,
And decide when to end them, you see.