I am tempted to say that Perl can't be a real programming
language for the same reason that Perl programming can't be
a real job - it is too much fun.
But that is rather snide, so I will leave the temptation
As for people who talk about "real programming languages"
like Java and C++, how about we give you your "real
programming language" without features like closures and
dynamic programming, and me my "toy language"
with them, and why don't we see who gets more done?
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