Beefy Boxes and Bandwidth Generously Provided by pair Networks
Pathologically Eclectic Rubbish Lister
 
PerlMonks  

Comment on

( #3333=superdoc: print w/ replies, xml ) Need Help??
Maybe it's because I have a number of women, and women of color as well, in tech fields who are close friends, and who have fought hard to not just be "some girl", or "the Indian one", or "the black girl": both close to my age (55) and a lot younger, and I know from them telling me so that casual use of stuff like "some girl" does hurt and/or anger them, whether they make a point of it or not.

As far as where I'm coming from, I grew up in West Virginia, which was not exactly a wellspring of egalitarian thought at the time, and where my parents were casually prejudiced about all kinds of things. I try very hard not to be. It's a matter of accepting you have patterns of thought, and actively working to be sure that you didn't just talk from there without considering whether you've said something you didn't actually want to say to a casual stranger or a friend.

And I'm sorry to have hijacked the thread so badly, but I was really shocked to see that DrHyde had gotten downvotes for pointing out that "some girl" wasn't a good way to put it. Perhaps his not saying why he didn't like it would have been more useful - but downvoting says "this was an incorrect and inappropriate thing to say", which definitely is not the case.

"Some girl" says "please apply whatever set of default assumptions you have about women to this person". "Someone" says "just a person, and what race, color, or religion they happen to be is completely irrelevant". If it was a dear female friend, then to me it feels appropriate to say that specifically. Even "my lovely girlfriend" wouldn't have caught my attention, let alone bothered me. But "some girl" really grates on my nerves, sort of like "they're all interchangeable anyway" - which I am totally sure you did not mean...but it isn't about what you mean, but what you say.

Let me make it clear that I am not trying to bust your chops - I am trying to communicate something I've learned about how this can come across to someone who you actually like and had no intention of offending or saddening. I would like the Perl community to be one that women and minorities feel comfortable in, and showing that you actually think about that helps a lot.


In reply to Re^3: a 3D flower made with Perl by pemungkah
in thread a 3D flower made with Perl, for anonymous girl by zentara

Title:
Use:  <p> text here (a paragraph) </p>
and:  <code> code here </code>
to format your post; it's "PerlMonks-approved HTML":



  • Posts are HTML formatted. Put <p> </p> tags around your paragraphs. Put <code> </code> tags around your code and data!
  • Read Where should I post X? if you're not absolutely sure you're posting in the right place.
  • Please read these before you post! —
  • Posts may use any of the Perl Monks Approved HTML tags:
    a, abbr, b, big, blockquote, br, caption, center, col, colgroup, dd, del, div, dl, dt, em, font, h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, hr, i, ins, li, ol, p, pre, readmore, small, span, spoiler, strike, strong, sub, sup, table, tbody, td, tfoot, th, thead, tr, tt, u, ul, wbr
  • Outside of code tags, you may need to use entities for some characters:
            For:     Use:
    & &amp;
    < &lt;
    > &gt;
    [ &#91;
    ] &#93;
  • Link using PerlMonks shortcuts! What shortcuts can I use for linking?
  • See Writeup Formatting Tips and other pages linked from there for more info.
  • Log In?
    Username:
    Password:

    What's my password?
    Create A New User
    Chatterbox?
    and the web crawler heard nothing...

    How do I use this? | Other CB clients
    Other Users?
    Others cooling their heels in the Monastery: (8)
    As of 2014-12-20 20:50 GMT
    Sections?
    Information?
    Find Nodes?
    Leftovers?
      Voting Booth?

      Is guessing a good strategy for surviving in the IT business?





      Results (98 votes), past polls