If it's the first one, some perl gurus I know can give you that. Even though SQL is not the trivial chore some make it out to be. If it's the latter, I think you're asking for headaches.
ie. I'll use an Oracle database, but don't ask me to install the software and set up the users and security, etc. etc. Any DB admin worth his salt will tell you that being a DB admin is a serious job ;)
So be careful what you ask for. You may think you're asking for one thing, but actually looking for another. (like 2 people instead of one)