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If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:

by chacham (Prior)
on Nov 01, 2016 at 13:12 UTC ( #1175059=poll: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??

vote on If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:

Fix all the bugs
[bar] 36/7%
Add a backdoor
[bar] 41/8%
Remove any backdoors
[bar] 10/2%
Make clean; make install
[bar] 32/6%
Make myself root
[bar] 140/26%
Understand 42
[bar] 68/13%
Add features
[bar] 21/4%
Make life simpler
[bar] 28/5%
Upgrade
[bar] 11/2%
Rewrite it in perl 6
[bar] 24/4%
Post it to Wikileaks
[bar] 31/6%
Merge branches
[bar] 4/1%
Translate the comments
[bar] 17/3%
Other choice
[bar] 74/14%
537 total votes
  • Comment on If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
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Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by SuicideJunkie (Vicar) on Nov 01, 2016 at 14:10 UTC

    Make a backup before messing around, and then patch that memory leak called entropy.

      Best analogy I've heard in a long time.

      Entropy is really just a memory leak in the universe, great sub-theory for the "we live in a computer simulation" folks!

      Just another Perl hooker - will code for food
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by perldigious (Curate) on Nov 01, 2016 at 15:27 UTC

    Check to see if the entire thing is wrapped inside of a while(1) loop or not. And if not, check what's in the END block.

    Just another Perl hooker - will code for food
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by BrowserUk (Pope) on Nov 01, 2016 at 14:00 UTC

    Re-write the section of code responsible for producing my timeline, so that I came back in my early 20s, whilst remembering everything I know now.

      You may want to include a subroutine that gets called to supply you with more wealth/resources whenever you run too low. That way you can focus on things that interest you entirely without the daily minutia of getting by in modern society distracting you. I don't know about you, but I was dirt poor and drowning in student loans back in my early twenties. :-)

      Just another Perl hooker - will code for food
        supply you with more wealth/resources whenever you run too low

        I firmly believe that if I knew back then, what I know now, the money would have taken care of itself. Or not :)


        With the rise and rise of 'Social' network sites: 'Computers are making people easier to use everyday'
        Examine what is said, not who speaks -- Silence betokens consent -- Love the truth but pardon error.
        "Science is about questioning the status quo. Questioning authority". I knew I was on the right track :)
        In the absence of evidence, opinion is indistinguishable from prejudice.
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by Ratazong (Monsignor) on Nov 01, 2016 at 14:12 UTC
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by Erez (Priest) on Nov 01, 2016 at 15:36 UTC

    Change all the tabs to spaces and re-indent it to K&R.

    Principle of Least Astonishment: Any language that doesn’t occasionally surprise the novice will pay for it by continually surprising the expert

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by swampyankee (Parson) on Nov 05, 2016 at 22:45 UTC

    Do I really want to be the maintenance programmer for this bodged up Universe?

    No!


    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting. — emc

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by salva (Abbot) on Nov 04, 2016 at 16:51 UTC
    idkfa
      ++salva for such (unknown to me) slang!

      but i'd just be happier painting some red

      L*

      There are no rules, there are no thumbs..
      Reinvent the wheel, then learn The Wheel; may be one day you reinvent one of THE WHEELS.
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by ExReg (Priest) on Nov 08, 2016 at 16:11 UTC

    Read the EULA.

    Make sure equipment I have can compile and run it.

    Compile and run it in a VM.

    Vow to never touch a computer again after realizing how many souls I killed during the last test run.

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by hippo (Canon) on Nov 01, 2016 at 14:06 UTC

    I voted for "Make life simpler" because it is closest to the specific change I would make: eliminate turbulence.

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by hdb (Monsignor) on Nov 02, 2016 at 11:53 UTC

    Rewrite it in perl 6

    It is written in Perl already!

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by Linicks (Scribe) on Nov 04, 2016 at 16:14 UTC

    I would:

    rm -rf all_religion

    Nick

      The existence of source code would provide incontrovertible evidence for the existence of a Programmer. So, logically, if you want to remove all references to religion, you'd start by erasing the source code.

      But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 (NASB)

        How do you equate a programmer to religion? Maybe the programmer had a mom and dad. Maybe the programmer is a creature made of dark matter left over from the previous big bang who created everything in an attempt to end itself.

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by shmem (Chancellor) on Nov 02, 2016 at 20:07 UTC

    Other choice. Implement the magic goto to have another chance if all went havoc. And make compassion an inherent attribute of every subject, growing with it's programmatic weight. And rewrite the Makefile for warfare so it deals out death, destruction, pain and grief equally to either side.

    perl -le'print map{pack c,($-++?1:13)+ord}split//,ESEL'
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by BillKSmith (Vicar) on Nov 03, 2016 at 19:21 UTC
    I once had a very wise boss who lamented the lack of a universal "do_what_I_mean" macro. He soon recognized the shortcoming of such a thing and proposed a "do_what_is_appropriate" macro. If such a macro (or function) exists in this newly discovered code, it is either "buggy" or under utilized. We could use that copy to correct itself. Should we trust it to do that? We could use the corrected version to update all the source code. (Better keep a backup. I suspect we would not be happy with the result.)
    Bill
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by swampyankee (Parson) on Nov 12, 2016 at 16:33 UTC

    Since the source code is probably a) badly commented and b) insanely bodged up, I think we'd need to refactor the entire code base.

    A smaller task would be to debug the source code for human cognition. Can we try to remove the one for willful ignorance?


    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting. — emc

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by Anonymous Monk on Nov 01, 2016 at 19:45 UTC
    Exterminate!
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by ateague (Monk) on Nov 08, 2016 at 23:41 UTC
    1. Take backups
    2. Check it into version control
    3. Gather up a team to start writing unit/integration/smoke/regression tests
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by stevieb (Abbot) on Nov 01, 2016 at 23:42 UTC

    Completely eliminate the Human virus so that the universe would be back in proper balance.

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by fishy (Pilgrim) on Nov 05, 2016 at 11:36 UTC
    I would set many breakpoints at regular intervals, remove concurrency and ignore exceptions.
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by wjw (Priest) on Nov 24, 2016 at 00:58 UTC

    Now that I think about it, I would probably run Perl::Tidy on it....

    Only then would I set about driving myself insane trying to find the subroutine for humanity. Of course, I would attempt to make a couple of backups and then check the whole thing into Github with the best intention of letting everyone else play too...almost certainly bringing servers around the world down, thus ending open source as we know it...

    Yeah..... well, maybe I would just look at it and leave it alone. Yeah, I think that would be wise...

    ...the majority is always wrong, and always the last to know about it...

    A solution is nothing more than a clearly stated problem...

Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by james28909 (Deacon) on Nov 16, 2016 at 13:54 UTC
    I think "Understanding 42" went over my head.

      Hello james28909,

      It’s a reference to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in which

      ... a race of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings ... built a computer named Deep Thought to calculate the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. When the answer was revealed to be 42, Deep Thought explained that the answer was incomprehensible because the beings didn't know what they were asking. It went on to predict that another computer, more powerful than itself would be made and designed by it to calculate the question for the answer....

      The computer, often mistaken for a planet (because of its size and use of biological components), was the Earth, and was destroyed by Vogons to make way for a hyperspatial express route five minutes before the conclusion of its 10-million-year program.

      Hope that helps, :-)

      Athanasius <°(((><contra mundum Iustus alius egestas vitae, eros Piratica,

        That is a pretty wild scenario. Wish I could change my answer lol.
Re: If I found the source code for the Universe, the first thing I'd do:
by gregor42 (Parson) on Nov 16, 2016 at 19:33 UTC
    fork


    Wait! This isn't a Parachute, this is a Backpack!

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