It is not an entirely uncommon practice in the CB to have discussions about the fact that the morning is not the most pleasant of times for some monks. This fact having been established it's not unsurprising when blunders occur and there is subsequent application of caffeine to said monk e.g

broquaint goes off for caffeine after realising that he was working on the wrong file for the past 3hrs

However for some reason or another after having mistaken ascendance for ascension when congratulating the ever-wonderful virtualsue on achieving pontiff-hood I idly remarked

hmmm, that should be ascension (ascendance means something else entirely). cat /dev/caffiene > broquaint

Now that I had publicly demonstrated how everyone can acquire caffiene through their favourite command-line editor there was a request from Sinister for some caffiene of his own which lead to

foreach my $monk (grep /wants caffiene/, @monks) { system("cat /dev/caffiene > $monk &") }

However demerphq was disapproving of this lacklustre solution and came up with

tsk tsk, broquaint that's sooo inefficient ;-) /wants caffne/ && system "cat /dev/caffiene > $_ &" foreach @monks;

Which lead to further and more varied solutions[1] from fellow monks who too were concerned that each monk got their desired portion of caffeine

broquaint, demerphq - that still won't work where a monk has a space in their nick - try ... /wants caffiene/ && system('cat', '/dev/caffiene', '>' . $_, '&') for @monks
Sinister thinks :
$monks{$_}->{caffeine}++ foreach(keys %monks);
bah! $_->drinks(Hot::Beveridge->new(type=>'coffee',quality=>'high', origin=>'Jamaica', region=>'Blue Mountain')) foreach @monks ;-)
<Dog and Pony>
$monk->pour_coffee() while($monk->tired());
system schmystem - foreach $monk (@monks) { open($mouth, "|$monk"); print $mouth while <CAFFIENE>; }

So can anyone else come up with a more efficient/varied/effective caffeine delivery system for the poor morning monks who are mere shells of programmers without their fix?


[1] cb chatter editted for the sake of brevity