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The YAPC Quest

by Ozymandias (Hermit)
on Jun 20, 2000 at 20:11 UTC ( #19049=monkdiscuss: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??

Those of you who were hanging around PerlMonks yesterday heard merlyn's bragging in Chatterbox about his great luck/skill with women at various Geek conferences. Well, we all feel this is a bit unfair; merlyn might manage to get more XP than our Fearless Leader, but more women is going too far!

So, without further ado, we hereby announce the Quest to Get vroom Laid at YAPC. To that end, please post your best geek pick up lines. This is our Father's Day present for vroom, so everybody work on this one!

Note: This is meant in fun, not to be insulting. Please keep it clean and humurous. Perl-related pick up lines only; Pick-up lines IN Perl are even better. And have fun at the conference, vroom!

- Ozymandias

Replies are listed 'Best First'.
Voting for the YAPC Quest
by kudra (Vicar) on Jun 20, 2000 at 20:24 UTC
    I think only women should be able to vote on the suggestions, based upon whether we'd let ourselves be picked up by the lines or not.
      Surely the women should come back with an appropriate put down?
RE: The YAPC Quest
by swiftone (Curate) on Jun 21, 2000 at 00:48 UTC
    Doesn't compile, but it passes perl -c
    my($male); package Is_Big; SO: y/don't/you/; tie $ME, DOWN, @home, $in{ bed }, $tonight; open( Your, "interfaces"); close( Your_eyes ); for my $kiss (@least){}
      I like the use of tie, but the first line is far too blatant (and shows a tendency to assume far too much)

      the rest of it is pretty great! I'd go for it, sans first line.

      (swiftone++)

      e-mail neshura

RE: The YAPC Quest
by neshura (Chaplain) on Jun 20, 2000 at 22:33 UTC
    I agree with kudra. But it's too hard to implement. So i'll just diss the bad lines and tell you guys if a line would work.

    (but what about delivery? delivery's 90%...)

    e-mail neshura

      in my opinion, the ideal vehicle for delivery of Perl Pick-up Lines is the /msh feature of the Perl Monks Chatterbox.
        /msh neshura perl -e "my $money=0;my $caring=127**127;my $name='Pip'; print \"$name is testing the \/msh feature while considering his own t +horough ineptitude when suave pick-up lines are the task. Can I take you out? +\";"
        Love me?

        -PipTigger

        p.s. Initiate Nail Removal Immediately!
RE: The YAPC Quest
by buzzcutbuddha (Chaplain) on Jun 24, 2000 at 00:29 UTC
    This worked to get me a date with my now fiance (at least, it worked in English... :) )
    use hope; $I_Was_Wondering_If_You_Would_Join_Me_For_Coffee_After_Work = 1; if (!$you_Drink_coffee) { $How_About_Soda = 1; if (!$you_Drink_Soda) { $How_About_Water = 1; if (!$Thirsty_After_Work) { print "Please join me Friday after work. I'd like + to get to know you Heather."; ⌣ } } }
    She seriously said to me:
    'I don't drink coffee.'
    'I don't drink soda after work.'
    'I'm not thirsty after work.'
    'But I'll be happy to meet you.'
    :)
    Happy ending for me!
      Notice he was so sure of himself that he didn't even bother to include else clauses. ;)
RE: The YAPC Quest
by chromatic (Archbishop) on Jun 21, 2000 at 23:14 UTC
    I refuse to apologize for this:
    #!/usr/bin/perl -w use strict; my $spell = hex('123'); my $you = "a garden of delight."; my $rituals = 10; my $plan = "I, the despoiler"; my @describe = reverse (qw ( seek meet tell alarm bless )); while ($rituals--) { if ($rituals < 5) { print cast($spell) => "$you\n"; } else { reset reverse ($plan, times); } } sub cast { foreach my $invocation (caller) { my $plan = join ' with me ', "#", $invocation, $you ; do { study $plan; eval "$plan"; $plan .= " here, unharmed."; }; } return "$plan, " . $describe[$rituals] . " you in "; }
    ESPECIALLY to Mrs. Vroom, who is lovely and patient.
      Oh dear, you mean vroom's married? You mean we are bending our Perl skills to the path of evil, acting as virtual home-wreckers?

      If so, luckily, I'm sure vroom is trustworthy enough that he will not be swayed to use the awesome power of our programs. Still, this is a bit embarrassing. ;)

RE: The YAPC Quest
by cciulla (Friar) on Jun 21, 2000 at 14:51 UTC
    Ok, here's one...
    @pickupLine = grep {/'keys'/} @myPorche;
RE: The YAPC Quest
by cciulla (Friar) on Jun 21, 2000 at 14:43 UTC
    How much XP does the object of vroom's... ahem... attentions get?

    In the vein of this being purely humorous, this lends a new meaning to the term, "XP whore."

RE: The YAPC Quest
by BBQ (Deacon) on Jun 21, 2000 at 20:22 UTC
    My shot... doesn't compile, or make any perl sense either, but at least it passes perl -c. :)
    if ($you) { select(ME); @YAPC = reverse ($you,$me); sleep $with_me; my $sexy_thang; for ($I, $you + ME, $us) { redo sin and not sleep until $dawn; } }


    #!/home/bbq/bin/perl
    # Trust no1!
RE: The YAPC Quest
by wonko (Pilgrim) on Jun 21, 2000 at 14:44 UTC
    Maybe this will work?

    The Unix way to have sex:

    look; nice; HELO; talk; touch; unzip; strip; finger; head; mount; gasp; more; eject; yes; umount; sleep

    /wonko

The romantic
by Q*bert (Sexton) on Jun 24, 2000 at 00:12 UTC
    #!/usr/bin/perl -c #Copyright Quinn Weaver, 2000 #Distribute under the terms of the Artistic License #I know it may be a little late for this to help vroom, but... use your_senses; $i->hunger; for (;$your;) { sensibility(); } use faith; $i; require sincerity; use intuition; $i->can ('feel'), $you, seek MY, $secret, $heart; open YOUR_LOVELY, 'eyes'; do 'it'; $please; study (my $face); sort ('out', 'your', 'feelings'); open YOUR, 'heart' x 2 . 'me' and listen $to, $me; do ''; not exit() and close $this; 'chapter'; [ before ('it_could_begi +n') ]; do ''; not use $me 'cruelly' and throw ($me, 'away'); do ''; not split /open/, my @heart and spill (my $love, 'unheeded', on ('the cold ground')); foreach $night (@I_dream) { of_you(); [ $I, bind (my $wounds, $but) ]; $I->feel (my $heart); break(); WITHOUT: 'you'; $I; die 'in a lonely' . crypt('only', 2); return 'the next day,'. 'aching'; for ($you;;){}} while (we_are_apart(), my $darling) { $I->can ('think'); [ 'only', of +($you) ]; } SO: join @me; bless ($me, $with); [ 'your_caress', my $limpid_angel ] +; accept (my $love, $this); time(); @least; tell $me; $you->will ('stay', 'with', $me, 'tonight'); join /body/, ('soul', 'and', 'mind', $in, $sacred, $bliss); come(); for ($me;;) { my $darling; come(); } until ($you, select ME) {$I;} WILL: {still();} continue { to_wait(); $alone; }
RE: The YAPC Quest
by Anonymous Monk on Jun 22, 2000 at 01:00 UTC
    At a class and don't have any kind of PERL to check the correctness, here it is anyway: #!/usr/bin/perl # desparate.pl use Tact; use Courtesy; my $dear; $tonight = join($me,@dinner); @least = split(/$me/,$sundae); for (;$_iam gt "nothing";) { while (not $perfect) { $i_am = abs $nice; } } open ILLBE, ">yourneeds"; @night = ('I\'ll', ' hold', ' you', ' close' . " keep you safe"); $me = consider($my_offer); sub consider { study $_[0]; return $youranswer; }
      The formatted version:

      At a class and don't have any kind of PERL to check the correctness, here it is anyway:
      #!/usr/bin/perl # desparate.pl use Tact; use Courtesy; my $dear; $tonight = join($me,@dinner); @least = split(/$me/,$sundae); for (;$_iam gt "nothing";) { while (not $perfect) { $i_am = abs $nice; } } open ILLBE, ">yourneeds"; @night = ('I\'ll', ' hold', ' you', ' close' . " keep you safe"); $me = consider($my_offer); sub consider { study $_<a href="/index.pl?node=0&amp;lastnode_id=19337">0</a>; return $youranswer; }

      - Ozymandias

      #!/usr/bin/perl # desparate.pl use Tact; use Courtesy; my $dear; $tonight = join($me,@dinner); @least = split(/$me/,$sundae); for (;$_iam gt "nothing";) { while (not $perfect) { $i_am = abs $nice; } } open ILLBE, ">yourneeds"; @night = ('I\'ll', ' hold', ' you', ' close' . " keep you safe"); $me = consider($my_offer); sub consider { study $_[0]; return $youranswer; }
      There, much better.
      Crap. Looks like something obfuscated it for me a bit.
        I believe if you drop some <code> tags around your text you would have your formatting stay intact.
RE: The YAPC Quest
by spectre (Scribe) on Jun 21, 2000 at 21:49 UTC
    This isn't actually a pick up line, this is what unix geeks do when pickUpLine() returns successfully.

    `unzip fly; mount /dev/girl; fsck; fsck; fsck; fsck; umount /dev/girl; zip fly;`

    Regards,
    spectre
      i would not recommend running fsck on a mounted device.

      I'm pretty sure some unix geeks do:

      unzip fly;mount /dev/boy;fsck;fsck;fsck;fsck;umount /dev/boy;zip fly;

      But hey whatever.

      Nuance

Re: The YAPC Quest
by Anonymous Monk on Feb 19, 2004 at 11:27 UTC
    Big grin. Randal being able to pick up women? A couple of years he hired someone to help him with it. The guy learned Randal to pick up women. "Hi, I'm Bill, a good friend of Randal. C'mon, have a drink with him". Nah... Made a fool of himself.

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