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by a_mere_kat (Initiate)
on Mar 24, 2003 at 14:21 UTC ( #245442=user: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??

Builder of the better mousetrap (tm), available in all good stores, and a lifelong advocate of organically grown mice. It was the summer of 1969, some 9 years before my own birth, and I was working as a bus boy in a fashion house which specialised in designing seedless fruit for the discerning single lady. The wages from 'le Fruitary' were poor and I subsidised my meagre income by stealing hubcaps from classic cars and converting them into obscenly pretentious pieces of postmodern 'angstridden' art, for sale to feebleminded tourists. This proved unsuccessful, very unsuccessful in fact. Apparently my target 'pidgeons' were much less feebleminded than 'the pidgeon plucker'. Within two weeks I found myself with a house full not only of stolen hub caps but where every flat surface was crammed with quality pieces of merchandise from different countries around the globe. All of which I had bought from 'upstanding' travelling ambassadors for a 'modest fee'. The most classy of which included a sombreo wearing donkey; a plastic giesha girl with pink kimono and directionally opposed eyes; and a rock in plastic cage with the wooden plaque 'A gift from Boulder, Colorado'. All of these gifts I hasten to add were made in Taiwan which I discovered when I proudly took them to the Antiques roadshow for valuation. The 'supposed expert' informed me that my treasures were apparently 'worth very little'. I was crushed. As I fretted on how I could pay my rent I pondered the apparent 'wealth of cultural diversity' in Taiwan. I found it amazing to think that such a small Island could harbour so many artisans from so many different cultural and ethnic backgrounds all hand crafting such fine pieces of art for export. Taiwan must truly be a mecca for every skilled craft master from around the globe. I looked adoringly at 'Billy' my 'Big mouthed bass' what a work of art and such satire in one package. I heard a noise from outside, the sound of my urinating gnome saying 'good morning' in Slovakian. I froze with fear as it meant someone was coming to my door. I had only a matter of moments before I heard a random South Americain national anthem played as they pressed my buzzer. Desperate times called for desperate measures besides one of the mexican guys was still hassling me over some final payments I hadn't made for my genuine 'mange effect' pink, chiuaua skin lampshade, a snip at $400. What could I do? Stop taking the acid is what I could do. Either that or drinking too much coffee. I was bored it was monday what other reason is there. God I wish I wasn't a programmer sometimes....if only I had been a better football player or had more skills with the ladies. Ah well such is life. I blame the fact I had an excellent upbringing and that I suffered because I had nothing to whine about. Whats your excuse you loser? You just read this I wrote it, thats creativity, what you are doing is voyeurism, get some work done baby boy before you get your ass fired.

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