ropey,
I went through a similar situation a few years ago. The advice that everyone has given through this thread won't work. Ok, I hope that caught your attention. Now I need to be fair. All these ideas can work but that heavily depends on you. In my situation, my job defined who I was. It took a paradigm change in how I looked at things. Work was who I was - so doing fun and interesting things outside of work didn't make the gnawing feeling of despair inside me any better.

In my situation, I quit. Through the years I took on more and more responsibilities, worked tireless hours and had a passion for work that bordered on the obsessive. People had come to expect and assume that I would do things and I knew there was no real effective way I could just go back to being a normal employee. I doubt making such a dramatic break will be necessary given your description of the problem.

A job is just a job. That is what I had to accept before I could be happy when my job wasn't satisfying. Don't get me wrong, it is still far more pleasant to work at a challenging and interesting environment but I no longer need that to feel complete. I have joined the perl community, worked on open source projects, solve difficult brain teasers and satiate the need for mental stimulation elsewhere. Don't get me wrong, a job is important and we should care about it and make it the best we can. I just needed to accept (for me) was that it was a source of income and not defining point in my life. If it turned crappy but was bearable (for that me, that meant not bubbling over into my personal life outside of work) and the alternative was worse, I decided I could in fact live with it.

Unfortunately, I can't give you any advice on how to actually make that paradigm change. For me I went through a really unhealthy time before I made the break. It wasn't slow and gradual and I am glad I did it before I was married with a family because I think it would have been harder on them than it was on me. It wasn't enough for me to tell myself I would change. I did try that but eventually would find myself falling back into the same ruts.

Some people find going to a therapist or a life coach helpful (not to be confused with a psychoanalyst). I personally feel that they don't really give advice any different then friends and family but because you are paying for it, it seems more valuable and it helps. Some people that is - not me. I have one final recommendation for you but would prefer to discuss it in private via /msg. If you (or anyone else reading) is interested, feel free to ping me.

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