Beefy Boxes and Bandwidth Generously Provided by pair Networks
Keep It Simple, Stupid

If perl was a woman...

by Anonymous Monk
on Mar 27, 2004 at 16:16 UTC ( [id://340269] : perlmeditation . print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??

My boyfriend is an avid perlmonks subscriber, and I'm convinced that he would leave me for perl if she was a woman. I am curious to know which of you devoted perlmonks out there would leave your significant other if perl was a woman/man?

-- a curious "perlmonk groupie?"

Replies are listed 'Best First'.
Re: If perl was a woman...
by b10m (Vicar) on Mar 27, 2004 at 16:28 UTC

    What do you mean, if perl was a woman?

    Perl's a singer, she stands up,
    When she plays the piano in a night club
    Perl's a singer, she sings songs
    For the lost and the lonely
    Her job is entertaining folks,
    Singing songs and telling jokes
    In a nightclub

    ... or was that Pearl ?


    All code is usually tested, but rarely trusted.
Re: If perl was a woman...
by kudra (Vicar) on Mar 27, 2004 at 16:21 UTC
    I can honestly say that I have never feared being left for an anthropomorphic computer language.
      Because no male in their right mind would ever desert you (if they did, you would hunt them down and severely hurt them) :-D

      The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing -- Edmund Burke
        While I appreciate your assessment of the mental capacities of men who have dumped me, I'm not sure I want to be thought of as the kind of person who stalks and maims ex-boyfriends.

        Although I did vote for 'in the kitchen' instead of 'I never did it'...

Re: If perl was a woman...
by Caron (Friar) on Mar 27, 2004 at 16:34 UTC
      Hmm... I love my boyfriend dearly, but I might leave him for Perl. He's a writer.

      -- - all things inbetween.

Re: If perl was a woman...
by tilly (Archbishop) on Mar 27, 2004 at 20:02 UTC
    Perl is a woman. She's a camel named Amelia. A few years ago she was dating Linux. But I hear that the penguin has been a cad...
Re: If perl was a woman...
by flyingmoose (Priest) on Mar 27, 2004 at 22:30 UTC
    I don't think she'd be the kind of girl you'd think she would be. My apologies to the Kinks:

    I met her in a cube farm down in old soho
    Where the electrons move and it's not that very rural
    R-u-r-a-l rur-ral
    She asked me to fire up vim & give it a whirl
    I asked her $^V and in a dark brown voice she said ... Per-rel
    P-e-r-l per-rel pp-pp-pp-pp per-rel

    *ducks tomatoes*

      And more apologies to Neil Diamond / Urge Overkill . . .

      I love you so much, can't $count all the ways
      I've die()'d for you girl and all they can say is
      "He's not your kind"
      Perl, you'll be a woman soon . . .

Re: If perl was a woman...
by davido (Cardinal) on Mar 29, 2004 at 07:24 UTC
    If Perl were a woman:
    • I wouldn't understand her so well.
    • She would shop for new stylish GUI's incessantly.
    • Command line switches would all start with "-Please honey?"
    • Her logic would be tempered by occasional mood swings.
    • CPAN would have flowers growing in its garden, and new curtains to match its color-coordinated CSSheets.
    • One liners? I don't think so. No such thing.
    • Golf? Finish your chores first.
    • She wouldn't need sort, as things would never get out of order in the first place.
    • She wouldn't be able to execute scripts that require maps.
    • V-strings would never have been invented; too darn uncomfortable.
    • She would call her male friend to help whenever a bug is found.
    • CPAN would be her closet full of mix-and-match accessories.
    • Use of strictures no longer optional. But warnings will be in the form of stern looks.
    • She would no longer become jealous of the computer when her husband spends long hours fiddling with her code.
    • There is still more than one way to do it.


      If Perl were a man:

      • You wouldn't need CPAN. Perl would only "require" beer, food, sex, and sleep.
      • Command line switches would all start with "-Are you in the mood, Honey?"
      • Scripts could use maps but would have help disabled.
      • Hashes would be piped in.
      • Date functions would result in memory leaks.
      • Two different scripts running on the same computer would cause a race condition.
      • Anneq

      Ok, I have to post a few more....

      If Perl were a woman:

      • Larry Wall would become a hall-of-fame'er akin to Don Juan, Rico Suave, Sean Connery, etc.
      • Saints would be sinners.
      • PerlMonks would be envied by geeks worldwide.
      • We would all become entranced by her charm.
      • People who regularly use Perl, C, Java, Python, Ruby, and Visual Basic would be known as polygamists.
      • People who set up websites to sell CGI scripts would be known as pimps.
      • Public Domain scripts would be a little like the free-love movement of the 60's.
      • My email box would start getting spammed with messages whos subject lines shout, "Hard-core Regular Expressions EXPOSED!"
      • XS programming, Symbol-table manipulation, and blessed filehandles would earn your script an "R" rating.
      • Modules and Packages would all contain new shoes, except for package main, which would contain chocolates.


Re: If perl was a woman...
by etcshadow (Priest) on Mar 27, 2004 at 20:03 UTC
    "If perl were a woman."

    Man... improper use of the subjunctive is one of my big pet peeves. (That being said, I spell like a third grader.)

    ------------ :Wq Not an editor command: Wq
Re: If perl was a woman...
by exussum0 (Vicar) on Mar 27, 2004 at 22:03 UTC
    No. Perl, my woman, is a little cryptic at times. But unlike my woman, perl is not what I like to deal with when I want to get away from my more general love, programming. My woman, diversifies my life. Half of what she talks about, for her career, I can understand, but never appreciate the way she does. And quite frankly, I like it like that. I couldn't come home at the end of the day, and hear, "My God, someone wrote a nasty code at work today..."

    -- "So far my experience has been that most people who go for certification have broad but not deep knowledge in the field and the flavor of the knowledge is academic. But every once in a while one finds a gem of a person who learns all the time and uses certification to prove it." -- on Orkut
Re: If perl was a woman...
by Mr. Muskrat (Canon) on Mar 27, 2004 at 16:18 UTC
    Sounds like a good topic for a new poll!
Re: If perl was a woman...
by zentara (Archbishop) on Mar 28, 2004 at 14:50 UTC
    Yeah, but will you be able to leave Perl5 for her younger and more flexible friend Perl6? Maybe a group marriage. :-) ?

    Perl6 has her own parrot too.

    I'm not really a human, but I play one on earth. flash japh
Re: If perl was a woman...
by silent11 (Vicar) on Mar 29, 2004 at 14:06 UTC
    If perl were a woman then TMTOWTDI may still hold true, however I'd no longer trust her ability to DWIM :)

Re: If perl was a woman...
by imcsk8 (Pilgrim) on Mar 28, 2004 at 21:04 UTC
    of course not!!
    my girl gives me things that perl could never give me. i'll never trade her smile or the way she looks at me for a woman named perl ;-)

    ignorance, the plague is everywhere

      She was standing next to (or behind) you when you posted that, right?


        hehehehe, something like that, i was talking to her on the messenger and i sent her the link to the node, and told her that i was going to post a comment ;-)

        ignorance, the plague is everywhere
Re: If perl was a woman...
by johndageek (Hermit) on Mar 30, 2004 at 22:01 UTC
    Perl is a woman.
    Check out this site (perlmonks)

    I do not understand her – see Obfuscated code.
    She has beauty – see Perl Poetry.
    Her creativity is without bounds – see Cool Uses for Perl
    We don’t always do things the same way – see Snippets Section
    Old arguments are always there to haunt you – see Code Catacombs
    There is always something to learn about her – see Perl News
    There are times to spend together – see Perl Discussions
    Peaceful times together – see Meditations
    Where else would you go when you are wrong? – Seekers of Perl Wisdom

    And in closing, how about the CB?

    Oops, this wasn’t anonymous ;)

    Why would I chage a thing, as it is, Perl and my wife know about each other, have no intrest in each other, and are not jealous of each other. I enjoy the company of each, and when one gets tired of me and spurns my advances, I can go to the other for comfort, enjoyment, and entertainment.


      i just love that there is more than one way to do it with her ;-)

Re: If perl was a woman...
by fraktalisman (Hermit) on Mar 29, 2004 at 07:57 UTC
Re: If perl was a woman...
by castaway (Parson) on Mar 29, 2004 at 06:52 UTC
    I dont know what all the fuss is about.. If Perl were a woman/man, then Perl wouldn't be a programming language, and knowing myself, I probably wouldn't have met Perl yet. At least not personally, I may have stumbled upon the Perl appreciation society, and wondered who/what it was.. No celebrity of such reknown can compete with my own love though, I don't think I'd want to go out with a celeb, and have all that fuss..

    Still, if it weren't for Perl being Perl, we wouldn't have met anyways, so I do love Perl to death..


Re: If perl was a woman...
by Anonymous Monk on Mar 29, 2004 at 15:28 UTC
    I have recently purchased a number plates for my new sporty car,...and guess what that was,...yes 'P3RL 8'.
    Also my girlfriend has left me recently too!!!!
Re: If perl was a woman...
by CloneArmyCommander (Friar) on Mar 29, 2004 at 17:01 UTC
    Hello :). I am sure that you have nothing to worry about :). I know that I would never leave my girl for perl :). I am certain that he would love to hear that you have surfed the Perl Monk site to see what he was so interested in :). I can't speak for everyone, but as good as perl has been to me, there are a few thing that perl is incapable of, and I would definately never leave a lady for perl :). I hope this reaches you, and I hope that everything goes well between you and your man :). I just wish that I had a lady who was so interested in me that she gave the things that I like a chance :)
Re: If perl was a woman...
by Anonymous Monk on Mar 29, 2004 at 22:56 UTC
    Never for a language, though I might flirt with it I need something that has not only ambition but bumps and a suction cup and a voice like curdled treacle... now if a cute Dalek were to come into my life I might be tempted...
Re: If perl was a woman...
by Notromda (Pilgrim) on Mar 30, 2004 at 20:15 UTC
    A friend of mine shared an a understanding with me once, we called it the "girl rule". If we drive by the other's house and see the other entertaining a girl, just keep on driving. Nice knowing you, it's been a great friendship, goodbye. :P

    That rule expanded into plenty of other geeky areas, including coding and playing computer games. Nope, girls come first.

    Oh, BTW, I'm marrying a girl geek in June. Maybe I'll teach her some perl after that. :)

      Sorry to get slightly off topic, but congrats :). If she learns perl, then that would be absolutely perfect :). It is definately nice to find someone who shares some of the same interests :).