Cheese

[Anonymous Monk]

Have you all considered eating a great big piece of cheese? If so what cheese would you eat and why? Aswell do any of you have a facination with bees? Just asking. Love hugs and jelly beans K8 & Jen from Blackpool

[repson]

Umm do you know what this site is for?

Just wondering...


# hmm, bees, this is how much I care
open OUT,'> /dev/null' or die "Sorry, can't write to oblivion\n";
for my $thing (@objects) {
  print OUT $thing->contects if $thing->type eq 'bee';
}
close OUT; # back to finite land
# cheese, ok then
use Me;
my $me = new Me;
for my $thing (@objects) {
  $me->eat_all($thing->contents) if $thing->type =~ /cheese/i;
}

Don't worry, I'm perfectly normal (for me)

[Petruchio]

Ahh... yes. You seem to be lost. Here you go. See you.

[jepri]

I never wanted to be a cheese coder! I wanted to be a lumberjack....

#!/usr/perl/bin 

use Quantum::Superposition;

my $shop =cheese_shop->new;
my $customer = cheese_shop->new;

if ( $customer->esuriant(bazouki) && $customer->terpsichorean(love) ){
     if ( $shop->stock('red Leicester') ) {
          push $customer{shopping_cart}, 'red Leicester');
     } else {
     if ( $shop->stock('Caerphilly') ) {
          push $customer{shopping_cart}, 'Caephilly';
     } else {
# about this point I got bored with the idea
     if ( $shop->stock(any('Bel Paese','Red Windsor','Stilton','Ementh
+al','Gruyere','Norweigan Jarlsburg','Lipta','Lancashire','White Stilt
+on','Danish Brew','Double Goucester','Cheshire','Dorset Bluveny','Bri
+e, Roquefort','Pol le Veq','Port Salut','Savoy Aire','Saint Paulin','
+Carrier de lest','Bres Bleu','Bruson','Camenbert','Gouda','Edam','Cas
+e Ness','Smoked Austrian','Wensleydale','Gorgonzola','I can't believe
+ how many cheeses Monty Python know about','Parmesan','Mozarella','Pa
+per Cramer','Danish Bimbo','Toe Cheese','Czech sheep's milk','Venezue
+lan Beaver Cheese','Cheddar','Illchester, the most popular cheese rou
+nd here','Limburger'))) {
     print "Congratulations, you have discovered the hidden flaw in th
+is program!" && die "Horribly";
} else {
kill('owner');
}}}}

The really amazing thing is probably this page.

____________________
Jeremy
I didn't believe in evil until I dated it.

[jeffa]

Excrementaly runny Camenbert . . .mmmmm

Jeff

<!-- hmmm, i wonder what Easter Egg might lie within -->

[AgentM]

...just count on the damn brits to ruin your day. Oh, and if you see him around, would you please shoot Mr. Bean for me? Thanx.
Update (in repsonse to frankus): Hmm. You seem to have a rather incomplete list there. First of all, I doubt that the Brits "invented" Shakespeare- if he had been born in Greece, he would have written in Greek- so no credit there. Also, I'd say that you're just about as racist as I am since you call me "colonial" though, at least I am not. Here's another list of crap that might make you change your mind:
• Crappy Brit stuff: Yorkshire Pudding, Prince Charles, Tea, Tennis, Cricket, Mr. Bean, the inspiration for Austin Powers (and his teeth), rowing, Tea, that nasty British accent, caste system, Brits in India, any other food you've invented
• Cool Ami Stuff: Muppet Babies, Silicon Valley, New York (note the word "new"), potatoes, the wild west, Perl, anti-british humor, me
These are far from incomplete but give you a taste of just how much we're better. So- Nanaanana!
Update for FouRPlaY:
• Austin Powers was inspired by the British, as I stated.
• frankus mentioned "tea" first, so he must imagine that it's british- perhaps he means "Tea Time" which is decisively British.
  Update again: As of now, this post is -9. So we have either 9 Brits or alot more Brits but enough Americans to couunteract.
  

  AgentM Systems nor Nasca Enterprises nor Bone::Easy nor Macperl is responsible for the comments made by AgentM. Remember, you can build any logical system with NOR.

[frankus]

This is a spoof: -- if you want, I'd like to be made Friar twice in one day ;-)

_{If you've seen Mystery Men, please imagine this post being read by "The Blue Rajah".}

I say old chap. There you go again, colonials having a pop at good old Brittania. Bad show, bad show I say, it's not cricket.

If there weren't ladies present I'd teach you to respect the British;

• UK: Marquis of Queensbury Rules, Monty Python, Tea, Tennis, Shakespeare and Cricket.
• Yank: Winblows, Roseanne, "Muppet Babies", "Who's the Boss" AND MacDonalds.
Please don't liken us to our cousins from the North: they don't wash, can't afford a colour license for the sky (it's always grey) and they use Hovis loaves as currency.

We'll hand over Mr Bean when you sign a contract out-lawing further Police Academy Movies or spin-off series.

Austin Powers was Mike Myers ripping off a Brit: Peter Sellers (Go on I defy you!).I rest my case milud, I thengyou.

--

Brother Frankus.

[FouRPlaY]

For the record, because I love to nit-pick details:


• Austin Powers was invented by Mike Myers, who is not only Canadian, he happens to be from my home town: Toronto (okay, technically he's from Scarbourgh and I'm from North York; but it's still Toronto)
• Tea came from China




FouRPlaY
Learning Perl or Going To die() Trying

[frankus]

As I say this is a spoof, no seriousness, and in that spirit:

• How dreadful for you: Canadian you say... I hear that's terminal.
• You're indeed quite right Tea came from outside the British Empire: we were first to add milk to it!

I am going home now, pip pip old boy and all that.... now where did I put that Pith helmet, did you take the Pith?

--

Brother Frankus.

[SuperMonk]

Please AgentM, this is not the place.

... Super Monk to the rescue ...

[Jonathan]

Samuel Johnson On America...

"To a man of mere animal life, you can urge no argument against going to America, ... But a man of any intellectual enjoyment will not easily go and immerse himself and his posterity for ages in barbarism."

"I am willing to love all mankind, except an American"

"Sir, they are a race of convicts, and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging."

The NRA, The Christian Right, LAPD, State Executions, pollution... Nah I'll stay in England thanks. Though I have to admit two of my favourite people are American, (I think) Michael Moore and Gary Trudeau The rest of you are crazy :-) BTW I'd swap those two for Monty Python any day

[Anonymous Monk]

but AgentM, you're from Czechoslovakia!

[mischief]

I think you mean the Czech Republic.

[mdillon]

try CheeseMonks.org. i heard they've got all the cheesy feedback you could ever want.

[ambrus]

You mean the Cheddar Monk Academy. (Its name is from this strip.)

[redmist]

I would have to say that Cheddar, Jack, and Mozzerela all hold the same status in my mind. They are all quite edible...but only when melted.

redmist
Silicon Cowboy

[a]

One wishes the cat had gotten away w/ the whole round of you'all ...

a