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by liverpole (Monsignor)
on Jun 10, 2005 at 19:28 UTC ( [id://465654]=user: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??

My 3 beautiful daughters  (My original picture)

My Unitarian Jihad Name is:   Brother Peaceful Cruise Missile of Balance.   What's yours?

Monks I've met Monks I've worked with

Some favorite quotes:

(*)  "Remember this, foolish mortals, when ye stare headlong, into the mind-paralyzing void, the inky black nothingness of existence, the hellish yawning maw of the abyss -- it's pretty damn dark, so give it a few minutes for your eyes to adjust."  --Frank M. Carrano

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."  --Butch Hancock

"When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."  --George Bernard Shaw

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, 'You're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.'  This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, 'You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you.  We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants.  But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic.  And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you.  In fact, we will never hire you.  But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.'"  --Unknown

"If C gives you enough rope to hang yourself, C++ gives you enough rope to bind and gag the neighborhood, rig the sails on a small ship, and still have enough rope to hang yourself from the yardarm"  --The UNIX-Hater's Handbook

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."  --Rick Cook, The Wizardry Compiled

(*)  "I saw her from across the room and knew I had to meet her, not because of her ample bosom, or her full lips, or her beautiful creamy skin, or the way her hair was twisted into a nice tight bun, or the buttoned-up blouse that begged to be torn off her body, or the skirt that was perhaps a size too small, but because she was my kid's teacher and I was here for the parent-teacher conference."  --Lori Yates

(*)  "Despite the vast differences in their ages, ethnicity, and religious upbringing, the sexual chemistry between Roberto and Heather was the most amazing he had ever experienced; and for the entirety of the Labor Day weekend they had sex like monkeys on espresso, not those monkeys in the zoo that fling their feces at you, but more like the monkeys in the wild that have those giant red butts, and access to an espresso machine."  --Dennis Barry

  "A spectacular variant of bogo-sort has been proposed which has the interesting property that, if the Many Worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics is true, it can sort an arbitrarily large array in linear time. (In the Many-Worlds model, the result of any quantum action is to split the universe-before into a sheaf of universes-after, one for each possible way the state vector can collapse; in any one of the universes-after the result appears random.) The steps are: 1. Permute the array randomly using a quantum process, 2. If the array is not sorted, destroy the universe (checking that the list is sorted requires O(n) time). Implementation of step 2 [destroying the universe] is left as an exercise for the reader."  --The Jargon File

  "According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.  Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators."  --Unknown

(*)  "Twas brillig, and the toves were not just slithy, they were stinking drunk."  --Richard A. Polunsky

* From the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

My original signature:   @ARGV=split//,"/:L"; map{print substr crypt($_,ord pop),2,3}qw"PerlyouC READPIPE provides"

My latest signature:   s''(q.S:$/9=(T1';s;(..)(..);$..=substr+crypt($1,$2),2,3;eg;print$..$/

A brush with (im)mortality, 070513:

[liverpole]: Hey NodeReaper ... congratulations on making the Saints in Our Book list. You've got more writeups than anyone else! :-)

[liverpole]: And to think it was cheap viagra that helped you get there ... ;-)

[NodeReaper] bows gravely.

Some japhs/obfuscations I'm proud of:

Sparkling Japh Pithy Japh Spiro Japh
Ticklish Japh Spiro Japh 2 Vocal Japh
Opere Citato Japh Latent Japh Neon Japh
Japh O' Lantern Crypto Japh Japhy New Year
Dying for a Good Japh Spatial Japh Token Abuse Japh
Subliminal Japh Birthday Tribute Japh A program that really makes waves
Morphological Japh Unbalanced, Introspective Japh Symbol Table Japh
Letters to the Editor Japh Visually-Interlaced Mesmerizing Japh Cyclical Japh
Evolutionary Japh Undocumented Operator Japh Data Dumper Japh
Prime Time for an Obfuscation Offuscamento Divino Fractal Japh
Side Comment Japh Alphabet Blocks Japh

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