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Perl Monk, Perl Meditation

Iron Perl Monks, Part 1

by lemming (Priest)
on Jan 03, 2001 at 22:43 UTC ( #49586=perlmeditation: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??


"If memory serves me correctly; in my travels of the east coast of the US. A chipmunk weaves Perl with a delightful air. From a small tree in Boston Common, he gnaws regex's and other Perl constructs."

While the above is being done, we do a flyover and zoom into Boston to see chipmunk toss an acorn at bravismore.

We now switch to a darkened indoor stadium:

A coding stadium in the monastery. A spotlight falls on the podium as merlyn comes out wearing a sequined red tuxedo with a gold lame' cape and gloves.

"Welcome to Iron Perl! Today we bring to you a young rodent challenger to our arena!"

We see a small rodent come through curtains on the other side of the stadium. merlyn meets him halfway there.

"Welcome chipmunk. Are you ready for the supreme challenge?"
"*chitter*!", spraying a few nuts out of his mouth.

As merlyn dusts off some nut bits, he gestures to the end of the stadium. He shouts, "Arise my Iron Perl Monks!"

Four Perl Monks materialize.
chromatic in a red robe, "Representing runtime code generation!"
Ovid in a blue robe, "Master of CGI!"
tilly in a yellow robe and holding a stuffed penguin, "Philosopher of functions"
tye in a purple robe and holding a Steiff camel, "Expert at Win32 Perl!"

"chipmunk Which Monk do you wish to challenge on the keyboards of conflict?", asks merlyn as ominous music is heard.

"*chitter*" as he points at Ovid

"Very good!" says merlyn as we now pan through some of Ovid's accomplishments. (CGI tutorial, dropping a pool ball on a rampaging java programmer, writing an obtuse regex)

"Now lets meet our Judges!"

At this point boo_radley starts the voice over and we pan across our panel of judges.

"vroom; founder of perlmonks, without we wouldn't be here,
Dominus; editor of,
neophyte; outside link maintainer,
jcwren; census gatherer of our monastary,
princepawn; jester and contrary opinionator"

As this is being done, we see jeffa wheel a large gong into place next to merlyn.

"Now it is time to ring the Gong of Fate and see what theme our programmers will create with!"

What will our theme be?
Will Ovid defend his Iron Perl Monkness?
Will chipmunk jam his keyboard with nuts?
What programs will our Perl Monks present to the judges?
Who let princepawn in?

These answers and more when lemming gets some more time! (And doesn't get beaten too badly for this. Zot!)

boo_radley and jeffa deserve credit/blame for inspiring this sillyness as well. Plus thanks to our Iron Perl Monks for having to answer interview-like questions yesterday...

Replies are listed 'Best First'.
Re: Iron Perl Monks, Part 1
by halxd2 (Monk) on Jan 04, 2001 at 03:25 UTC
    #!/usr/monastery/arena/bin/perl use strict; use Net::NutBits; use Net::Mammal; use Monks::IronMonk; use Contest; local $Chipmunk = new Mammal; local $Ovid = new IronMonk; local $Combat = new Contest($Chipmunk, $Ovid); while( $Combat->round-- && $Combat->Fighting()) { if ( $Ovid->karma() > $Chipmunk->karma() ) { $Chipmunk->pain++; }else { $Ovid->pain++; } if ( ! $Chipmunk->karma() ) { $Combat->Winner = $Ovid;} if ( ! $Ovid->karma() ) { $Combat->Winner = $Chipmunk;} } $Combat->Winner->Glory(); $Combat->loser("Rice-a-Roni!");
(Ovid) Re: Iron Perl Monks, Part 1
by Ovid (Cardinal) on Jan 04, 2001 at 02:13 UTC
    my @judges = qw ( vroom Dominus neophyte jcwren princepawn ); $Ovid::Pants->wet;
Re: Iron Perl Monks, Part 1
by japhy (Canon) on Jan 04, 2001 at 08:21 UTC
    When will these post-humous jabs at princepawn cease? Am I the only one that finds them a little much?

    japhy -- Perl and Regex Hacker

      I don't think that Iron Perl Monks, Part 1 takes a jab at Princepawn. This post and others don't make fun of Princepawn, they just treat it as what he has become for Perlmonks: a myth, the Fallen Angel of course, purchased by the Saints, the Vilain, he is supposedly dead but the body was never found and he might come back any day.

      I would think Princepawn, if he still lurks around here, is probably pretty happy to see his name mentioned as aften as it is.

      Just Another Perl Myth

      I also find it in poor taste. Someday I hope to see princepawn return.

        Good thing I didn't carry on further. I would say it was somewhat of an unfair jab at princepawn, especially since he isn't here to defend himself. Though one of the reasons I picked him as one of the judges was because he did come up with opinions and views that were contrary to the popular belief. I wished he wasn't as quick to come down on other views if they didn't match his.

        I apologize for any offense I may of given and thanks for the feedback, both postive and negative.

        -Lemming back to the drawing board
Re: Iron Perl Monks, Part 1
by mrmick (Curate) on Jan 04, 2001 at 18:33 UTC
    .... and visions of Pokemon dance in my head.....



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