This is my first posted obfuscation. Many thanks to my fellow monks for sharing tricks and treats that led to the following:
#!/usr/bin/perl -wire $_=q|$/="J";$\=",";$s=kpjo"",nbq{ $_+=79;dis}nbq{ pse}tqmju//,"4*(/;87 +(";@u=tpsu nbq{jg(n*^\x$*n){$_}}lfzt%{*::};tvc'v{$"}tvc't{$^I.tvctus$s,5,7}tvc'k{ +$u[-7].$^I . $u[ -35 ] } tvc'P{$^I.tvctus$s,2,6}tvc'm{$u[-4].$u[-5].$u[-3].$/}qsj +ou nbq{jg( n#bdl#){$_}fmtf{$_.=&v} }nbq{~~sfwfstf}(m,&t,&k,&P);|;$e=q=fho'e{49}fh +o'n{e()-1} fho'o{n( )-1}fho'p{o( )+3}fho'q{0}=;$e=~y/a-z/n-za-m/;eval$e;eval join +'',map{if( m|^\d+$|){pack'c',$_}else{$_}}(22+c( )+r( ),b(),(~~join'',map{$a=$_+a( +);$a=pack( 'c',$a);$a=~s{(b|2)}[$1-];$a}(c(),24+c(),r(),2,9,d(),1)),b(),(~~join'' +,map{$b=$_ +r();$b=pack('c',$b);$b=~s=(a|0)=$1-=;$b}( a(), 24 + r(), -1,8 ) ), b +() ); eval
I kept thinking at each stage "well, that's entirely too obvious" so I just kept at it, adding more misdirection.

Let me know if this is confusing as intended, or as plain as the nose on my face.

Thanks (and happy new year!)