|Don't ask to ask, just ask|
Re^4: Women in Perl - Ada Lovelace Dayby why_bird (Pilgrim)
|on Mar 27, 2009 at 15:34 UTC||Need Help??|
Hi koolgirlI apologise if you think i've twisted your words to suit my so-called "thesis" (nothing wrong with a structured argument imo), that wasn't my intention at all.
I realise that you didn't mean '"...women can do anything they want" has been taken too far' => 'women's brains aren't wired for computing'. I know that's what you do (and hello, what I do too..), hence why I chose that example. Yes I suppose it was an extreme example (by todays standards anyway) because very few people think like that any more (thankfully). But quite a few people still do in relation to other fields/careers. What it sounded like you were saying, to me, was that the concept of women being able to do whatever they want has been taken too far, allied in the same quote with 'men being idiots' which is a generalisation which I hope most here would disagree with immediately to strengthen that. I was going to try and explain that in my first post, but the explanation sounded wrong and clumsy as it still does and I still don't think I'm saying quite what I'm trying to say.. :S
You did not once mention sitcoms or popular culture or anything of that sort, and since that's not what I see when I turn on the tv (I'm afraid I simply don't agree with your statement there), that's not what I assumed. Yes it was an assumption, and I apologise if it was the wrong one, but you made an (unqualified) statement with which I didn't agree. I don't agree with the 'men are idiots' part either, but I felt that was slightly more self-explanatory. I don't feel that that has become a perfectly acceptable stereotype, nor do I think it should be one, but perhaps that reflects differences in our take on popular culture.
Yes, of course I realize bearing children was the extent of the female realm not that long ago...that was the point of the reference.
...they wanted opportunity to be part of the female realm (and not just the opportunity to have more children than Mrs. Jones).So to me it sounded like you were saying that the female realm was something other than having babies.
...and in a lot of ways have made the women's rights movement a feminist thing rather than an idea that arbitrary limits shouldn't be placed on anyone's opportunities.It seemed to me there that you were contrasting 'feminist' with the idea that 'arbitrary limits shouldn't be placed on anyone's opportunities', a position which you'd previously referred to as a positive thing, hence my inference that feminism, to you, had some negative connotations.
I don't particularly like the implication that I'm "bombarding all of the men on the site with a class on how to treat their fellow humans", since that's not what I'm trying to achieve. (You're not a man after all! (joking) ;) ) I'm pointing out my differences in opinion to what you were saying, or what it sounded like to me you were saying in any case. Perhaps we do agree on more than I thought, but please don't try and cast me as a 'man hater', or as someone who always thinks they're being wronged by men, since that's not me.
I'm not one of those militant people who to want to humiliate and emasculate men, far from it. I think that men working in female dominated professions have just as hard a time of it if not more so than women in male dominated professions. There was an interesting piece on the radio the other day about male primary school teachers (or rather, the lack thereof), and I wish I could find the reference but I'm afraid I don't have time *veers slightly off on a tangent*. In summary what I'm trying to say is that we should be aiming to look beyond traditional perceived 'limitations' of men vs women, and recognising that there are exceptional cases in each gender rather than blocking people wholesale from whole careers just because of stereotypes that don't apply to everybody, whilst not losing sight of the fact that yes, there are inherent differences between men and women.
I have read the 'gender' part of your profile, and although I prefer to not make a big deal out of being a female I assumed it was fairly obvious (or at least its hardly something I hide) and so I'm surprised and saddened to hear that you've been harassed intimidated on this site because of it. I've never felt harassed or belittled on this site because of my gender (or indeed for any other reason), it's one of the most decent, polite, interesting and generally helpful places on the web, which is why I keep coming here despite my job not having much Perl in it at the moment. I apologise if I appear to have over-reacted to your post, however in 'real-life' I have often had to speak up to defend the things which I enjoy most, which come naturally to me and which I don't see why I shouldn't do and continue to enjoy because they're 'male things'. So perhaps it does make me a little defensive on that point in particular. I have friends who have experienced it in much more real terms than I have and it makes me sad for them that they can't do what they want to do because of silly discriminations. (I know that's vague but I respect their privacy).
Finally (promise!), as a woman also experiencing this topic of discussion I'd like to make it clear that I am not labelling men as "sexist assholes", I never meant to imply that it was men necessarily preventing women from doing certain things (or vice versa) but rather a collective lack of imagination on the part of a lot of people (and I'm not tarring you, or people on this site in general with this brush) who won't look beyond stereotypes.
p.s. I apologise if my style of replying comes across badly. I realise that quoting people's words back at them can seem vindictive or spiteful, but I'm not doing it for that reason, it's just so that I'm being clear about what I'm saying.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
-- Groucho Marx