Beefy Boxes and Bandwidth Generously Provided by pair Networks
good chemistry is complicated,
and a little bit messy -LW

comment on

( #3333=superdoc: print w/replies, xml ) Need Help??
Although I do think its a mistake to focus on the bighead aspect and its more productive to look at why people sometimes get themselves in a head space where they take no responsibility for their errors.

Ummm...I am focussing on the "bighead aspect" because it is the best theory I have for why people get themselves into that headspace. The "big head" is not always expressed overtly, but it seems to consistently be there in a lot of different forms of defensive behaviour.

Furthermore various comments that I have found suggest that knowing this tendancy is very useful in practice. Specifically being aware of the fact that perceived threats to egos generate often illogical defensive reactions helps in understanding and avoiding defensive behaviour in people. I have personally seen examples involving both myself and others where this seems to have worked. I have also had recent discussions with several people who I have known for a while are good at threading past potential conflicts, and been told that they know this theory already and use it conciously. And finally a number of comments that I have read through the years finally fell into place - upon subsequent re-reading I see how much good advice on dealing with people follows from this principle of human behaviour.

That makes me believe that the theory is more important to learn than any specific dynamic that it clarifies. Which is why I focussed on it.

In reply to Re: Re: Re: Re: What you refuse to see, is your worst trap by tilly
in thread What you refuse to see, is your worst trap by tilly

Use:  <p> text here (a paragraph) </p>
and:  <code> code here </code>
to format your post; it's "PerlMonks-approved HTML":

  • Posts are HTML formatted. Put <p> </p> tags around your paragraphs. Put <code> </code> tags around your code and data!
  • Titles consisting of a single word are discouraged, and in most cases are disallowed outright.
  • Read Where should I post X? if you're not absolutely sure you're posting in the right place.
  • Please read these before you post! —
  • Posts may use any of the Perl Monks Approved HTML tags:
    a, abbr, b, big, blockquote, br, caption, center, col, colgroup, dd, del, div, dl, dt, em, font, h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, hr, i, ins, li, ol, p, pre, readmore, small, span, spoiler, strike, strong, sub, sup, table, tbody, td, tfoot, th, thead, tr, tt, u, ul, wbr
  • You may need to use entities for some characters, as follows. (Exception: Within code tags, you can put the characters literally.)
            For:     Use:
    & &amp;
    < &lt;
    > &gt;
    [ &#91;
    ] &#93;
  • Link using PerlMonks shortcuts! What shortcuts can I use for linking?
  • See Writeup Formatting Tips and other pages linked from there for more info.
  • Log In?

    What's my password?
    Create A New User
    and the web crawler heard nothing...

    How do I use this? | Other CB clients
    Other Users?
    Others cooling their heels in the Monastery: (4)
    As of 2020-10-28 23:15 GMT
    Find Nodes?
      Voting Booth?
      My favourite web site is:

      Results (265 votes). Check out past polls.