sub insult {
  my $r = rand();
  if ($r < 0.3) {
    return "You are " . bad() . ".";
  } elsif ($r < 0.60) {
    return others() . " cannot believe how " . bad() . " you are.";
  } elsif ($r < 0.90) {
    return "If I had " . money() . " for every time you " . didsomethingstupid() . ", I would be rich.";
  } else {
    return insult() . " " . insult();
  }
}