Why don't you just buy the boxed wine? It comes with a spigot, and the whole thing is recyclable. Nothing to return. Plus, aging in a high-tech polymer bladder instead of an antiquated silicon-based container scintillates the palette. Increased carcinogenic value comes at no additional cost...
1. The boxed wine is usually more expensive, by at least 2 bucks a gallon.
2. I think there are more carcinogens in the plastic bag than in the glass bottle. If I had my way, it would come in 5 gallon glass jugs, like water. :-)
UPDATE A FEW MINUTES LATER:
I must say, the best solution would be to have everyone bring their own clean sterile reusable PaisanoPail (TM) :-), and refill them at the convenient tanker truck locations every Tuesday and Fridays. :-) A regular 5 gallon plastic pail can be used if it has a sterile entry port, and a closable air vent. (instructions available on the internet....:-) )
If this is the last node I post, I hope it results in the home delivery of wine, from tanker trucks. Then.... my life will have been a success.
zentara, I think you are over-engineering. The entire system you want is already in place. Companies like
Crystal Springs provide everything (at least where I live). A simple write-in campaign to Crystal Springs (they seem desperate enough, given how obsequious they are with us every time we threaten to cancel) and, voila. No pail construction. No lugging to/from a truck. And, you can get it chilled, or in a warm, mulled cider condition. OK, near boiling may be a bit much, but after the third flagon, are you really going to notice? :)