extremely's user image
User since: Jun 28, 2000 at 01:39 UTC (24 years ago)
Last here: Mar 02, 2007 at 22:09 UTC (17 years ago)
Experience: 4731
Level:Priest (14)
Writeups: 710
Location:Louisville, KY, USA
User's localtime: Jul 13, 2024 at 17:49 -04
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I'm a sysadmin these days... mostly on windows boxes. Not much perl in my life except on one big AIX box and my home machines. *sob*

Holy cow I'm a Saint Priest? WTF? I still can't hardly use map, dagnabit. I can't start being looked up to, it'll blow my whole nobody-loves-me schtick. jump to the cookie story!


"Code softly and carry a big CPAN with you."
"And now, back to your regularly scheduled perl programming, already in progress..."
"Perl is like a squirrel's nest. Good stuff is everywhere but most of it is nuts..."
Heard in CB: MeowChow's Law: "In any sufficiently long PerlMonks debate, the monestary will be accused of groupthink."

My Home Site

Come learn little or nothing about me at my vanity domain I run a weblog furtive explorations at that domain as well. Mail me at should you actually want to hear more from me. I started putting up some of my old messy perl mistakes for you to laugh at.


Some background on me: I am 2**5 as of Jan 6, 2001! The next big power of 2 is thankfully rather far away. I'm married to a girl who things Luke was way too whiny in Empire and soaked up enough geek to make a joke about Citrix less than 4 months after I married her. I started programming at 14 in Basic (on a TRS80 model 2!), moved on to Apple II Basic, TI99/4a Basic Advanced (still makes me laugh), PC Basic, GWBasic, assembler for x86, asm for apple ][, Turbo Pascal, Turbo Basic, Basic for Commodore (school), COBOL, QuickBasic, ForTran, Lisp, Scheme, C, Perl, C++. (Oh yeah, there are a number of other languages I sorta absorbed but never wrote a real program in. =)

I have professional experience designing/normalizing database tables. I am a MCDBA and have run/fixed Informix, Oracle, Sybase, and various MSSQL servers as well as many open source DBs. I am an AutoCAD/CadKey draftsman (well behind me, tho). I like math, logic and was stunned by regex the first time I saw it work. =) I'm a science buff and read scads of science mags and sites.

I started out on Perl writing sysadmin s‎crip‎ts for an ISP and did so well designing a tech support database system while managing the department they made me try writing it when the perl programmer who hooked me left. I have since moved on to writing billing engines, intranet and extranet sites and much more.

Free Soft

I worked on the mod_perl project for a while, mostly whining and helping debug stuff. I've done just a little to help out Mozilla and have tried submitting patches for a couple of other GPL and opensource projects. I have a small amount of code on CPAN floating around in the cpan:Color::Spectrum module. I try to be OS agnostic but I do love Linux just a little bit more...


I'm rather sarcastic so I sometimes offend, sorry in advance.

It so sucks doing my hobby as a job I had to take up video gaming and tinkering with graphic arts stuff...

The Cookie Story

Around about 1997, when I first got really cocky with perl I worked at an ISP. A bunch of the ISP worked because of me and thus I was forced to attend meetings all the friggin' time. Whenever possible, I made of nuisance of myself at these meetings to hopefully ensure that I would be invited to fewer of them and could get some work done.

One of the ways I annoyed my cow-orkers was by bringing food as well as drinks to the meeting and my favorite snack at the time was Animal Crackers. I loved them not only because they were tasty but because they were cute and you can bite the heads off them when making a point about business cruelty.

Being that Perl's mascot was the Camel, I of course saved them for last and thus would often wind up with a pile of them on the table when the meeting was up. One day I looked down and made a joke about scanning them since we had just moved the scanner to a new sucker employee's desk.

Three days later, I redesigned my personal web site around the theory that I could make a web page that would cause all the major browsers at the time to evince different bugs and at the same time cause people to reel back in horror. We were forced to keep personal web pages up for "business" reasons and were encourged to play with new stuff so we looked trendy. Seriously.

Later that day I decided I needed an Icon for the perl subsection I was going to put up. And then my little brain started ticking... So I go over to my new friend and say, let's scan a camel!

Now, I know nothing of scanners but this one was new and had mega-features. So we decided to scan the cookie at 2400dpi to get it hi-res, knowing we can always shrink it in Photoshop. =)

Math time! 2in x 2.5in x 2400dpi x 2400dpi x 3bytesperpixel == 86.4 MB. That took like 15 minutes to scan and at 96dpi screen res would approximately 4 feet tall. It took photoshop 50 minutes to turn it into a 1.2MB JPG. It took photoshop 15 minutes to resize that to a reasonable 1280x1024. Cropped and cleaned up at 125x100pixels in GIF form, it is 7KB. D'oh. 0.00845% of the data left, at most.

Cute tho, huh? Sadly, they finally took that old, crufty site down. Given the link: you might be able to find the atrocity of HTML in The Internet Archive. My personal domain's perl page still features the cute little camel (if you can't see it here) with my crappy code. As a side note, they wouldn't let me post any of the company code up on the site after all was said and done... they were too afraid our competition would "steal it".

Yes, this is necessary. The use of a camel image in association with Perl is a trademark of O'Reilly & Associates, Inc. Used with permission.

Sanctified Modules

I blew off the idea of Sanctifying Modules. Have a nice day.