open FILE, $file or die_nice("Can't open $file: $!");

sub die_nice {
    $real_problem = shift;
    $user_fob_off = "Sorry, our server can not respond to your request due to ";
    $user_fob_off .= "routine maintenance ;-) Please try again later.";
    tell_user( Title=>"Sorry!", Content=>$user_fob_off, Link=>$home );
    email( To=>"admin", From=>"die_nice()", Subject=>"die_nice() error", Content=>$real_problem );
  exit;
}

sub email {
    my %mail = @_;
    *MAIL = *STDOUT; # open mailprog simulation
    my $message = unindent("
        To:      $mail{'To'}
        From:    $mail{'From'}
        Subject: $mail{'Subject'}
    
        $mail{'Content'}
    ");
    print MAIL $message;
}

# remove leading whitespace indentation to allow 
# nice code formatting with strings indented inline
sub unindent {
    $data = shift;
    $data =~ s/^\s+//;
    $data =~ s/^ +//gm;
  return $data;
}

sub tell_user{}