Ask the Dark Gods

[dragonchild]

You might have to consult the Dark Gods to get this answer. I don't know if Perl-fu is strong enough for this. (Though, of course, the White Knight will disagree with me.)

In addition, this might require a stronger sacrifice than just a chicken. You might have to sacrifice a whole goat for this one. Though, personally, I'd start with a white dove and increase the sacrifice as needed.

In case you don't remember the sacrificial hierarchy, it's:

1. mice
2. rats
3. white doves
4. cats
5. black doves
6. non-purple dogs
7. non-red chickens
8. purple dogs
9. red chickens
10. sheep
11. white goats
12. small children with birthmarks
13. black goats
14. small children without birthmarks

(This response is meant completely in humor. I have no idea what nbstat does, let alone how to get Perl to play with it. The opportunity was too good not to take.)

[DrHyde]

While I do mostly agree with Brother Dragonchild, he is in error in one important area. Black goats are reserved EXCLUSIVELY for placating the SCSI gods. Also the use of chickens for anything other than troubleshooting WANs is deprecated.

[Moriarty]

I'm sorry but #12 is incorrect. You can't sacrifice small children with birthmarks because birthmarks count as a blemish and all sacrfices must be without blemish.

[dragonchild]

I must most respectfully and humbly offer up my insignificant disagreement. It is apparent to all brethren that small children without blemish are the best form of sacrifice, reserved only for those greatest of supplications. However, small children are small children. As such, they are a useful sacrifice for such smaller requests as the painless smiting of an unworthy opponent, a minor hailstorm in Nebraska during the winter, etc. Let us not be blinded by those ultimate beseechments into forgetting the working-man's demands.