While gently letting my brain ooze onto my collar while at work one day I pondered the troubles of the world.

This line of thought didn’t actually lead me anywhere (.. except maybe towards my nearest caffeine dispenser for some ‘mood juice’ enhancements.)

Has anybody ever considered mixing two of the more popular elements of our society?
Perl and the modern soap opera.

Admittedly, it’s not going to solve world hunger, increase your departments fiscal outlook for the new year, make your clothes whiter or cure whatever causes your neighbours dog to do that odd thing with your prize petunias.

But.. it’s no more idiotic than what you where planning to entertain yourself with anyway right?

Imagine a web site that keeps it’s viewers ensconced with same style of drivel that funds your daytime television time:

“Oh bob. I’ m sorry. I just can’t go through with this fake marriage to your recently discovered twin brother’s half sister. Maybe it’s the fact I’m carrying the police chef’s baby. Maybe it’s because I’m in love with a part time game show host who enjoys painting and rather nasty bouts of homicide.”

Now I’m just talking about the usual array of Chomsky based sentence generators. Lets finally put some of those funky technologies like neural networks, b-spline trees and the word antepenultimate to use and produce a fully functional, living, breathing soup bowl of pixilated drama.

Who could miss the heart warming production of a brand new bouncy Soap::Person->Baby. Be there when it says its first pre-generated ‘Goos and Gaas’ from the Soap::Speak archives to it’s proud Soap::Person->Parent.

Still want more? As well as the fine handcrafted plastic knife set, you get a whole mountain load of friendly features like:
- The elements of Soapy drama scripts are practically computer generated already. (Insert ‘Bizarre Love Triangle with a Limp Number 452’ here)
- No A.I. required. We don’t need programs that think. We need programs that have people reaching for the tissues faster than the death of Old Yella.
- Perl.

Maybe let users influence the characters a little. Maybe turn it into an Everything2 module. Replace the old fortune cookie with today’s tales of love, hate and a small odd shaped kid named ‘Thwitzle’.
All this and more is possible with: Perl Soap.

Thank you for your work squandering time.

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