My favorite lie is:
- The check is in the mail
- Wasn't me!
- I've never met that person before in my life! (or "Just a friend/co-worker")
- No, Officer. (or the very popular: "Two beers")
- No, that doesn't make you look (fat|stupid).
- I know that!
- It's not the size... (also, "That's alright; it happens to lots of guys")
- Your call is very important to us...
- But PerlMonks is work related.
(but my friends call me "Tye")