Yeah, I should have answered separately because I was mostly answering to zwon, I apologize for that, but you shouldn't have turned this into a pissing contest either.
If you run your code differently under testing than you do in deployment, your tests probably aren't testing what you care about.
I understood you the first time around, but it's quite common to have several tests for the same piece of code, or have a test behave differently given certain test conditions (static, offline, live, etc.). More commonly this is done with skip blocks in the test code, but sometimes you don't have that option.
I found tobyink's approach the best because it would even allow to run the app for integral testing with certain parts shut-off. I don't see this any different that skipping tests from the test suite.