Haiku Die Messages

[azatoth]

This script was inspired by an email i received a while ago, and the recent thread How do you wanna die. Both great stuff, and in continuing my trend as the buffoon of Perlmonks, I give you "Haiku Die Messages"...

UPDATE : As per dws post below, the source of these haikus is on Salon.com. As stated previously, i received them in the form of a forwarded email. No attempt has been made on my part to claim these as my own work.

#!/usr/bin/perl 
use strict;

#Random Haiku Die Messages for Windows

#This script was influenced by a forwarded email I saw a while back, w
+ith Haikus as Windows errors.
#I have adapted it to be used in Perl.

my $h1 = "A file that big?\nIt must be very useful.\nBut now it is gon
+e.\n";
my $h2 = "You seek a Website.\nIt cannot be located.\nCountless more e
+xist.\n";
my $h3 = "Chaos reigns within.\nStop, reflect, and reboot.\nOrder shal
+l return.\n";
my $h4 = "ABORTED effort.\nClose all that you have worked on.\nYou ask
+ way too much.\n";
my $h5 = "Yesterday it worked.\nToday it is not working.\nWindows is l
+ike that.\n";
my $h6 = "First snow, then silence.\nThis thousand dollar screen dies\
+nSo beautifully\n";
my $h7 = "With searching comes loss.\nThe presence of absence.\n\"June
+Sales.doc\" not found\n";
my $h8 = "The Tao that is seen\nIs not the true Tao.\nUntil you bring 
+fresh toner.\n";
my $h9 = "Windows NT crashed.\nThe Blue Screen of Death.\nNo one hears
+ your screams.\n";
my $h10 = "Stay the patient course.\nOf little worth is your ire.\nThe
+ network is down.\n";
my $h11 = "A crash reduces\nYour expensive computer\nTo a simple stone
+.\n";
my $h12 = "Three things are certain:\nDeath, Taxes and Lost Data.\nGue
+ss which has ocurred.\n";
my $h13 = "You step in the stream.\nBut the water has moved on.\nPage 
+Not Found.\n";
my $h14 = "Out of memory.\nWe wish to hold the whole sky\nBut we never
+ will.\n";
my $h15 = "Having been erased,\nThe document you are seeking\nMust now
+ be re-typed.\n";
my $h16 = "Serious error.\nAll shortcuts have disappeared.\nScreen. Mi
+nd. Both are blank.\n";

my @haikus = ($h1, $h2, $h3, $h4, $h5, $h6, $h7, $h8, $h9, $h10, $h11,
+ $h12, $h13, $h14, $h15, $h16, $h17); 

my $haiku = $haikus[rand @haikus];

print $haiku;

# this is perfect for die () messages.  Next time you you write a prog
+ram, whack this in, and use $haiku
# for your die messages...
# copyright 2001 azatoth
# haikus courtesy of salon.com - thanks dws for source!

Feel free to hack it and add your own messages, I don't mind as long as they're five-seven-five...

Azatoth a.k.a Captain Whiplash

Get YOUR PerlMonks Stagename here!
Want to speak like a Londoner?

[davorg]

You really need to look at the Coy module.

--
<http://www.dave.org.uk>

"Perl makes the fun jobs fun
and the boring jobs bearable" - me

[merlyn]

For fun, try visiting any non-existing URL on my site. Hit reload as you wish.

-- Randal L. Schwartz, Perl hacker

[azatoth]

Azatoth likes it :)

Maybe now I will have to learn how to write a module, and make it easier to use...

Azatoth a.k.a Captain Whiplash

Make Your Die Messages Full of Wisdom!
Get YOUR PerlMonks Stagename here!
Want to speak like a Londoner?

[BlueLines]

This reminds me of NetPositive, the web browser that comes with BeOS. All of it's error messages were haiku (haikus?). I've done some searching, and this is the best collection of them that i could find. When i first installed Be, i spent 40 minutes or so entering bad urls just to see the poetry.

BlueLines

Disclaimer: This post may contain inaccurate information, be habit forming, cause atomic warfare between peaceful countries, speed up male pattern baldness, interfere with your cable reception, exile you from certain third world countries, ruin your marriage, and generally spoil your day. No batteries included, no strings attached, your mileage may vary.

[dws]

You might wish to add an attribution to your script. Several of these Haiku are from the Salon.com Haiku Error Messages challenge.

[azatoth]

As stated above, I received them in a forwarded email a while ago. I will update the above node to credit them, as I didn't know the original source. Thanks for letting me know, and I will try to ignore the inferences in your post...:P

As per your comments below, thanks for the tip, dws!

Azatoth a.k.a Captain Whiplash

Make Your Die Messages Full of Wisdom!
Get YOUR PerlMonks Stagename here!
Want to speak like a Londoner?

[dws]

For the record, I assume this was an innocent lapse.

Lots of stuff floats around on the internet without attribution. One way of fixing that for things that pass through your hands (and thus avoiding possible embarrasment if you get called on it) is to do a quick Google search. A search on "haiku death lost taxes" returns a URL to the salon contest as the 4th hit (along with a page full of non-attributions).